Bipolar, but still Christian : Just Another Challege

I'm thirty-five years old today. I am certainly different than I was at fifteen or even twenty-five. I hope most of the change is good. I lost quite a bit of confidence when my walls came tumbling down ten years ago. Since then, I have not become the same again. I don't think rebuilding the false sense of security I once held would really help me. I'm trying to rebuild my faith understanding my weaknesses instead of denying them. Before I didn't understand or know what those weaknesses were. Yes, this blog is self-centered, but I figured a journal was allowed to be(:. My goal is that not only does this make me feel better, but it might also help someone else who feels the same way.

Sunday, while I waited to hear if the fate of our future was going to be seriously altered by health care reform, I was glad it's not up to me. We pondered how do we pray about this. Do we ask God for more mercy when clearly America deserves no more? Yes, I asked. Even now in the uncertainty of the days ahead, God still knows what is going on. He isn't going to leave us to deal with the trouble all by ourselves. It's hard to be so helpless when loved ones are sick, hurting, struggling in some way. I can't do anything to fix their problems. Maybe that isn't God's plan. Would I really want to know what kind of person I would be if I had not gone through some of the pain of the past? For all the time I've spent hating the bad memories that may not even be real; do they have some greater purpose? Fear brought me to the feet of Jesus. Pain kept me in the arms of God.