Bipolar, but still Christian : Just Another Challege

It has been a long winter, but truly the sun is finally out. I don't feel so hopeless anymore. It's warm enough to exercise outside. I have started to lose weight although the progress is slow. As for the other thing, I find that I just want to be in places where I can be myself. I will have to find alternative solutions to that particular group. I need to build my confidence not tear it down more. Constantly feeling like the next thing I say will be the cause of more abandonment and isolation. It's exsosting. Yes, I say awquard, odd things sometimes, but not to hurt anyone. I am so tired of feeling this way. I am hoping reading Hebrews will help strengthen my spiritual security mentally so to speak so that I can also improve the rest. I also wish it was okay to ask for support for these issues instead of chastisement. I am not sure I can pull out of it on my own. Trying to be bold and admit that's what's really in my head right now. No, I am not in crisis just wish

You ever try to walk through muddy grass. You try to walk around the water and find your feet sinking down in. I have been trying to get out of the "mud" of life, but keep sinking down into it. Feeling frustrated today I tried my best to cheer up only to be plugged back by my selfish teenager. Trying my best to be understanding while I listen to all the reasons why ignoring all responsibilities is okay because, "I have plenty of time." I had been annoyed earlier today with the people around me who continue to be oblivious to their excluding behavior. I can't continue to pretend it doesn't matter. The statement was made you go expecting someone to bless you. Sorry, but, No that isn't what I expect or even need. I just want to be included. If that can't happen here then, I can't continue to justify being here. Praying God will give me a different alternative because that just isn't working.