Trying to help my child to understand that pain isn’t always bad. Beautiful things can come from pain. That might be a lesson I cannot teach him. Tonight I sit here recovering from my latest manic episode. I had to force myself to calm down. I sometimes hate that this IS my life. I can’t fix what is broken. I have to hope that God can keep on using my broken pieces for some purpose. I don’t have to understand. The hardest part lately has just been the daily struggle to feel a little bit of joy. I felt like I was trying to run in the swimming pool. Accomplishing nothing I kept waisting energy. The moment I tried to improve what was pulling me down, the task itself threw me into a manic overload. Now I sit in the forced calm knowing I probably won’t finish anything. This is hard. I shut people out because they cannot handle the reality that is my life. Because I have to protect myself from being hurt all over again. That means little or No support. That makes the isolation larger. I am t