Bipolar, but still Christian : Just Another Challege

 I know these days it’s called “self care.” I don’t like that term because it supports the theory that taking time to take care of yourself is selfish. It’s not. I get burned out on caring for others and my body starts to break. I am realizing now that the physical and emotional weaknesses feed off each other. I am overtired, my mind is too full to process anymore. I spent today resting. I will be fine, but I needed a little time under the Father’s Wings. I usually feel guilty. Like my problems aren’t bad enough to be worthy of need, but I am learning to give them all over to Him. That He does want my everything. It might be too much for people to understand, but not for Jesus. I know all about getting up and powering through. I am learning to balance the when to push myself and when to not. There’s so much to do and I need to be able to function both physically and mentally. I have other friends with chronic illness silently they also suffer. This is only a day. Tomorrow will be bette

 I wrote a poem about grief for someone else. Now as I read it, I wish that I felt less alone in it. I have stopped myself from going there over and over the last few days and now… Regrets are hard to carry. Nothing can change what is all done. As for heavenly results, why not let Jesus decide. If you think you can look at someone else and decide what they deserve, you’re going to be disappointed.  “ His mercy is everlasting…”(Ps100). I believe only God knows the heart. Although I fail often, I follow along in His steps. It’s important not too skip ahead of His steps, but to keep walking in them. I picture a child walking on the beach trying to walk in his Daddy’s footprints. That’s us! I reflected on the compassion of Jesus too yesterday. He saw these people as sheep without a Shepherd and had compassion on them. When Jesus saw people lost, confused, He didn’t say,” Why are they like this?” He knew. People need the Truth. Jesus is the Truth. People need Him.

 I had a thought about scars. We try so hard to cover up our scars; to live so no one sees. Yet Jesus Christ still has his scars. His scars are that permanent reminder of His sacrifice for us on the cross. When we meet Him in person, He’ll still have them. Whatever scars you might be carrying, they don’t have to be a curse. Let your scars be a badge of honor for what you survived. Scars of the heart make us tender towards others. Hebrews 4:15. Jesus knows about our scars. When we are heavy with the weight of hurt, He understands.

 Some people love summer. They can't wait to feel the bright sun all the time. I find it harder to sleep in the summer as it's so bright for so long. I also have quite a lot of trouble with the heat. If I don't remember to drink twice as much, I get dehydrated; but all that is routine for most people when it's over ninety degrees outsides. Truly my issue this last couple of weeks has been my constant head spinning. I think it probably is anxiety. I love caring for people, but I think I got wacked with some unexpected grief. I don't usually get upset or cry in the moment. I am in be calm and take care mode. That means sometimes all that stuffed down emotion has to bubble to the surface unexpectedly. It hit me the other day and I was just weeping uncontrollably. I feel fine now, but my head is still a fuzz. That only scares me because I don't want to loose my ability to think clearly and function. That IS something we all take for granted I might add. I truly beli