If all I have to give isn’t enough then what does God want now? I am letting go of my child knowing how very disjointed and misguided his thinking has become. Everything we have tried to spend our life showing him is meaningless in his eyes. I remember being bitter and frustrated at his age so I am trying to be patient. I understand these doubts have to surface, but the stream of garbage information he has thrown at him in seconds over the internet. That is very hard to compete with. Praying he comes back as I have over and over. I waver. I doubt. I do because the weight of my own sin was hard for me to let go of. I still struggle with guilt. Not the normal healthy kind. The someone will shout at you if you mess up kind. My broken emotions have made repairing that difficult. I accept that we are all in progress and we can only hope to be used in our weaknesses. Tried to explain that I believe God wants to use us broken. That the struggle is part of the process. That pain isn’t all bad.