Bipolar, but still Christian : Just Another Challege

It's true I've illuteed to having some difficult memories yet given few examples. That is for a couple of reasons. One is that I find drugging up the details brings bad unnecessary pain. Two is that I don't actually remember that much. I repressed some stuff along the way and can't quite filter what is real and what is imaginary. I just know how it feels. I know I spent a lot of time alone as a child and had to live on my imagination. So the little kid in me might have exaggerated the circumstances of my childhood. What I do clearly remember that was unpleasant was bullying, teasing, neglect, and harassment. Again not choosing to go into details right now. Those were my experiences. I found adulthood to be far better than childhood. My family never intentionally set out to hurt me. My parents were just not people who knew how to handle kids or marriage for that matter. My brothers and I suffered the consequences so to speak. We had stuff. Lots of stuff. Which is why I w

I have been reading through Hebrews all summer off and on and came to this today, "Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering;(for he is faithful that promised;) And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and good works:"  The word provoke suggest to irritate. I think that with the context means we persist to push each other to love and good works. We don't though do we. The culture we live in is very isolating. People mind their own business very well. It is still hard for me to show up places unannounced because I grew up in the house no one ever visited. I often felt we put on our church faces so we could all feel good and went back to our lives. I am not the kind of person to be in genuine however, I have learned that people don't want to hear that today is a rough day. They want you to smile and be "joyful," I say that with quotes because I don't think that is what joyful means.  You can be sad and still joyful in the lo

Today I was fighting mood swings so I must be out of balance or something. Most females can identify with the cry for no reason issue. This last week was draining. Hopefully the next one will be better. It wasn't a bad week just physically and mentally exhausting. The bipolar part is that if I am really tired then I start to get a bit confused and forgetful. Still haven't figured out if that is medication or just sleepiness. Anyway, we'll call it brain fog. I actually feel a physical heaviness which could be sinuses. If you can take medicine for a headache, why can't you use medicine for emotional imbalances? Essential oils have been helpful because they work in a much milder form without all the side effects. I am reading my Bible right now, but to be perfectly candid, feel like a ball of led inside. I am choosing to ignore those feelings. I have found that often I can't change them, but I don't have to listen to them. My friend asked me, "Is God not all p