Bipolar, but still Christian : Just Another Challege

Today was better than yesterday. And yesterday was a bit better than the day before that so progress. I am on a higher medication dose so I slept what seemed like forever today. Either catching up from lack of sleep or sleepier because of the meds. I think it is both. I am definitely calming down. I am hoping the anxiety will be less intense tomorrow because I have to go out. Not just go out, but see a specialist. Yippie for me. Anyway, it should be fine if I can stay focused. Unfortunately the medication doesn't do much to help that. It slows my thoughts down, but it doesn't clear up fogginess. Sometimes it creates it. One step at a time.

I guess my episode has been coming on slowly for several weeks and I didn't realize or I would have tried to increase my medication sooner. Of course not being aware that you are really not okay is part of being bipolar. I don't want to be manic or depressed, but sometimes I just don't see the warning signs. I am now super anxious. Tried going out today and besides being overly irritable like yesterday, everything has a haze. That happens when I am extremely anxious. I struggle to go and do the simplest little things. One trip to an uncrowded mall and I felt like I could barely see straight. I thought taking a break from my kids by myself would be good for me, but I didn't realize my own symptoms had escalated. I did increase my medication yesterday, but it will take more than a day to see benefits. And yes, I believe God is able as always. This type of anxiousness is not worry in the traditional sense. It is just an irrational fear of the things around me. Once I can i

Is it just a bad day or the sign that bad times are just beginning. You see before I was "bipolar" I didn't worry about that. I had a bad mood and it was just a bad mood. Now I know if I am overly angry, irritable or emotional that it can also be a sign of a season of hypo mania or depression. I do have type one bipolar, but that doesn't mean I don't get hypo mania. Mini mania episodes. Days or hours of slightly heightened mood followed by insomnia, weepiness, and irritability. I just don't know when to react and take action and when to relax and see what tomorrow brings. I have decided to give it a day and see how that goes knowing I have made the necessary changes to get things calmed down. If that doesn't work, I am calling the doctor and increasing my medication. I have been on a low dose for a year now due to some side effects of the medication. I always said I would increase if necessary to stabilize. It is hard not to feel like a failure when this h