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Another Legacy Thing

I was thinking again; dangerous I know. Trying to pray and finding myself drifting. Just last I was wondering when did I stop trusting God and why? It was easier to trust God when my problems were monstrosities. Today, I realized, my biggest problem is myself: My worries, my fears, my insecurities. Not some big thing that I can't ever change, but the haunting of my own thoughts. I've come to realize that my own ineffectiveness comes from that same lack of trust. Of course maybe I'm remembering my formal self too highly. I struggled then too. The bottom line is that now when I go to read the WORD which I know can deliver me from such thoughts...I become distracted and confused or bombarded by bad memories and harsh realities. I want to be able to read my Bible with a clear head. Yet I have to be content with whatever moments of focus I get.

So that's the bad news. The good news is that my God is able. I do believe he can help me through today. Not because today is so terrible, but because I have no joy when He is not my delight. I have no value when I am not fully surrendered. For Him who gave all how can I give less. Yet how often do I really?

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