Every year this is bitter sweet. I laugh and cry off and on like a crazy woman. My emotions are just too loose. I know it isn't just me that deals with it. Maybe it's unrealistic expectations. Maybe it's sad reminders. I really don't know. It just is so weird. We stress out about this bills and the events. We try to stop long enough to enjoy the family. And here I sit in the middle of it all as if I am not here at all. I really need to fight to be present in what IS. I don't expect everyone out there to understand that. I am not sure I even do. I know God must understand it or there wouldn't be so many words of comfort in Scripture. But right now I want to hide away from everyone and everything. At the same time; I don't. It's that constant battle being REAL.