Every year this is bitter sweet. I laugh and cry off and on like a crazy woman. My emotions are just too loose. I know it isn't just me that deals with it. Maybe it's unrealistic expectations. Maybe it's sad reminders. I really don't know. It just is so weird. We stress out about this bills and the events. We try to stop long enough to enjoy the family. And here I sit in the middle of it all as if I am not here at all. I really need to fight to be present in what IS. I don't expect everyone out there to understand that. I am not sure I even do. I know God must understand it or there wouldn't be so many words of comfort in Scripture. But right now I want to hide away from everyone and everything. At the same time; I don't. It's that constant battle being REAL.
I am starting my own blog to reduce my boredom and give me a place to put my thoughts. Recently some people I know put some very difficult words out for all the world to see. I have been chicken to do the same and now I want to set the record straight. I didn't talk to people from high school for over ten years. It seems so silly now. I found out recently that I'm not the only one who grew up in college and beyond. We aren't kids anymore so the past is just that the past. I'll admit some of it I don't want to remember, but we did have some fun times in high school. The truth is something happened to me that I was not at all ready to talk about so I just avoided people. I got married in 1998 to a really great guy I met in college. We were giddy and in love. We decided after nine months of bliss to have a baby. Why not? I was bored and we wanted one. That sounds terrible to say that, but it is true. Boom one month later I was expecting. Three months later Jo
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