Bipolar, but still Christian : Just Another Challege

Today I lost it. Tears spilling down my face a full blown panic attack during Bible study. I could not go in that room full of women. Feeling alone and emotional I started to flee. One of the leaders stopped me to talk to me till I calmed down. I can't say that I really felt,"Glad I stayed," but it is usually best to go through an attack rather than hide from one. Likely the next time I feel that way(there will be a next time) I will be able to calm down quicker. Today I was really just tired. I feel that struggle there every week, but it does not usually cause panic or tears. Is there something about the love chapter that the devil does not want me to hear? I know I need the reminder as much as anyone. I don't think my lack of female connection is everyone else's fault. I know it's me. I get it. I just don't do female relationships well. Even the friends I have probably are limited by my focusing issues. If they spent some time with my brain they might un...

As we start out a new year, it seems fitting that we remember the endings as we start new adventures. Some endings are good while others are not so good. Or perhaps our endings carry with them some sadness. Who have you lost this year? What did you have to give up? What is the new reality that means saying goodbye to old comforts. A new year can be a clean slate for acceptance of the many things which we cannot change or control. For me it will mean getting back on the exercise horse and trying to make serious diet changes. The positive rememberances of last year would be trusting the Lord to be more confident in teaching and being more faithful in Bible study. I remember accepting bipolar in the beginning. It was a long process. I see a friend accepting breast cancer and she is amazing. Finding ways to be thankful for all she still has. What a gift we offer others when accept God's will for our lives. I hope to some day offer encouragement and the love of Jesus as it has been so a...