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Drifting Away

If all I have to give isn’t enough then what does God want now? I am letting go of my child knowing how very disjointed and misguided his thinking has become. Everything we have tried to spend our life showing him is meaningless in his eyes. I remember being bitter and frustrated at his age so I am trying to be patient. I understand these doubts have to surface, but the stream of garbage information he has thrown at him in seconds over the internet. That is very hard to compete with. Praying he comes back as I have over and over. I waver. I doubt. I do because the weight of my own sin was hard for me to let go of. I still struggle with guilt. Not the normal healthy kind. The someone will shout at you if you mess up kind. My broken emotions have made repairing that difficult. I accept that we are all in progress and we can only hope to be used in our weaknesses. Tried to explain that I believe God wants to use us broken. That the struggle is part of the process. That pain isn’t all bad. But he just doesn’t get it. God isn’t the wishy washy parent of the 2000s. No God is a firm, but loving parent. He loves enough to do what is best for us even if it hurts. It hurts alright, but I just want to love Jesus. I wish I was better at it😊. Don’t you? I need some help with that because lately I don’t have much desire to do anything. The struggle is real. So my clients keep telling me,”Don’t get old.” To which I respond...”Too late it’s already happening.”

Comments

  1. LibertyJuly 16, 2019 at 5:00 AM

    I'm sorry Amy. I've noticed about your son bc of his comments in SS. I could almost begin to predict his words as I've heard them before from my husband.
    In a lot of circles it seems that people think "how could God destroy people like he did in the old Testament. I wouldn't do that. I would give mercy." And without realizing it they begin to think they are better than God. But we are not Holy as he is, so true, we wouldn't do as He has done, because we just cannot fathom His purposes. Make sense?
    I will keep you all in my prayers.

    ReplyDelete

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