Bipolar, but still Christian : Just Another Challege

I have said a lot in the past about the swirl of thoughts in my head. I realized that I have difficulty removing them without writing things down. Read over                I Corinthians 5 today and thought, “How do I take captive what I can’t identify?” I ended up in Psalm 139. I can have confidence after reading that, that God does know exactly what’s in my head. For the moment anyway, I am letting Him deal with it. It does make sense that He would give them to me a little at a time. I know I have a fear of abandonment and isolation. That goes back to a little girl whose parents didn’t know what to do with her. My husband says to me, “I am a lot.” I get that. But believing somewhere in my mind that I will be left behind by EVERYONE isn’t a lie I want to hold onto. I felt God with me early on even when I wasn’t sure where everyone was. He never left me. So if God is the same yesterday, today, and forever, He will never leave me. I fear the unknown...

Sometimes in life we can either dig up dirt or uncover treasures. Our lives are filled with unpleasant memories which we have tried very hard to forget. Those things end up being layers and layers of filth over our hearts we can’t even see. Yet if we can scrap it away, we might find something beautiful. Take it for the cryptic comment it is, my friend. I don’t think my memories will help you right now. I am amazed how much stuff is shoved down there. Does it make me untrusting of others? Yes! Does it make me question myself? Yes! Hebrews 12:1 has been the verse I keep going back to. “..lay aside every weight...”