I have said a lot in the past about the swirl of thoughts in my head. I realized that I have difficulty removing them without writing things down. Read over I Corinthians 5 today and thought, “How do I take captive what I can’t identify?” I ended up in Psalm 139. I can have confidence after reading that, that God does know exactly what’s in my head. For the moment anyway, I am letting Him deal with it. It does make sense that He would give them to me a little at a time. I know I have a fear of abandonment and isolation. That goes back to a little girl whose parents didn’t know what to do with her. My husband says to me, “I am a lot.” I get that. But believing somewhere in my mind that I will be left behind by EVERYONE isn’t a lie I want to hold onto. I felt God with me early on even when I wasn’t sure where everyone was. He never left me. So if God is the same yesterday, today, and forever, He will never leave me. I fear the unknown. Do you ever struggle with that? It can add this invisible dread to life. I don’t want that. When I imagine meeting Jesus, it’s like the sun comes on at full force and I’m surrounded with warmth. I can’t picture anything else. Just brightness. My life could use less heaviness. I lay aside the weight. I cast aside the ugly thoughts, the fears, and the pain. I ask for God to help me today. If you’re reading this, may you be blessed today too.
I am starting my own blog to reduce my boredom and give me a place to put my thoughts. Recently some people I know put some very difficult words out for all the world to see. I have been chicken to do the same and now I want to set the record straight. I didn't talk to people from high school for over ten years. It seems so silly now. I found out recently that I'm not the only one who grew up in college and beyond. We aren't kids anymore so the past is just that the past. I'll admit some of it I don't want to remember, but we did have some fun times in high school. The truth is something happened to me that I was not at all ready to talk about so I just avoided people. I got married in 1998 to a really great guy I met in college. We were giddy and in love. We decided after nine months of bliss to have a baby. Why not? I was bored and we wanted one. That sounds terrible to say that, but it is true. Boom one month later I was expecting. Three months later Jo
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