I have said a lot in the past about the swirl of thoughts in my head. I realized that I have difficulty removing them without writing things down. Read over I Corinthians 5 today and thought, “How do I take captive what I can’t identify?” I ended up in Psalm 139. I can have confidence after reading that, that God does know exactly what’s in my head. For the moment anyway, I am letting Him deal with it. It does make sense that He would give them to me a little at a time. I know I have a fear of abandonment and isolation. That goes back to a little girl whose parents didn’t know what to do with her. My husband says to me, “I am a lot.” I get that. But believing somewhere in my mind that I will be left behind by EVERYONE isn’t a lie I want to hold onto. I felt God with me early on even when I wasn’t sure where everyone was. He never left me. So if God is the same yesterday, today, and forever, He will never leave me. I fear the unknown. Do you ever struggle with that? It can add this invisible dread to life. I don’t want that. When I imagine meeting Jesus, it’s like the sun comes on at full force and I’m surrounded with warmth. I can’t picture anything else. Just brightness. My life could use less heaviness. I lay aside the weight. I cast aside the ugly thoughts, the fears, and the pain. I ask for God to help me today. If you’re reading this, may you be blessed today too.
I feel not so much a storm as a little shower of emotional rain. My mind is filled to the brim with thoughts and trying not to go batty trying to sort them through on my own. Then I start feeling isolated as I have no one to talk to. I have therapy next week so I will talk then for sure. It’s not even anything bad; it’s just so full I am thinking out loud. That never bothered me before, but now I am feeling unsteady. I have talked to myself my whole life. I am certainly not going to stop now, but it feels like a gateway to the enemy deceiving me all over again. He can disguise his voice to sound like anyone else. So if my thoughts are out loud, I’m Vulnerable. I miss my friends. I have a few here and there . I miss lighthearted fun. I am just waiting for God to pull the curtain on this season and to start to feel more like myself again. I’m not asking God for anything He doesn’t want me to have, I just need to get through this little shower. I know God still has things for me to d...
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