Up in the wee hours of the morning, is yet another perk of being bipolar. Yes, that's sarcasm because unlike some, I don't like being like this. I started getting a little more hyper than usual and now I can't sleep. I slept for an hour or two when hubby woke me up and I couldn't get back to sleep after. So I wasn't worried about anything, but I was wide awake. Even though I now feel tired, I still don't feel sleepy. It is hard to explain. Well I already took some calm down medicine and that didn't work so I am getting ready to take more. I use it only when I have to, but considering I need to function in a few hours I WILL consider this one of those times. I was excited about started school and I guess maybe I am going through an up cycle. That sort of makes sense since I had a down cycle in the beginning of the summer. I am glad that the cycles are much shorter than they used to be. I remember being tired and having little energy or ambition to do anything and now BOOM it's just the opposite. I like getting things done,but I don't like the racing that goes on in my head. I know my friends and family have much bigger problems. I just hope my meds work because I am in between psychiatrists and this is not a good time for medication adjustments. If I could did through the recesses of my mind I would probably find that I am a little anxious about some things, but figuring out what they all are is difficult. I am thankful for the support of my family and friends although I have found I can't talk to them about this stuff. So as always, Don't read it if you don't want to. I find being open about what I am really feeling even in this small way helps me stay well.
I feel not so much a storm as a little shower of emotional rain. My mind is filled to the brim with thoughts and trying not to go batty trying to sort them through on my own. Then I start feeling isolated as I have no one to talk to. I have therapy next week so I will talk then for sure. It’s not even anything bad; it’s just so full I am thinking out loud. That never bothered me before, but now I am feeling unsteady. I have talked to myself my whole life. I am certainly not going to stop now, but it feels like a gateway to the enemy deceiving me all over again. He can disguise his voice to sound like anyone else. So if my thoughts are out loud, I’m Vulnerable. I miss my friends. I have a few here and there . I miss lighthearted fun. I am just waiting for God to pull the curtain on this season and to start to feel more like myself again. I’m not asking God for anything He doesn’t want me to have, I just need to get through this little shower. I know God still has things for me to d...
I've been having more insomnia too with the pregnancy. I know how it feels!
ReplyDeleteI've got twenty minutes to go if I'm going to make it so we'll see. I hope you get your rest Jessi. It's hard to sleep through the night when you're pregnant.
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