Here I am awake again when I should be asleep. I am going to try to make it to bed before two tonight. I had an anxiety attach yesterday when my old psychiatrist office through a clerical error dropped me like a rock. I was supposed to have an appointment with a new doc all lined up, but first they lost the date in the computer and then they told me that the appointment should not have been made because the doctor was not willing to take on any more patients. The thing is I have been with that practice for three years now and they were supposed to refer me to another doctor not drop me and say call around and find someone else. Needless to say I did not handle it well. I like to plan ahead as much as possible. I had previously tried to find a new psych on my own and was having difficulty finding any. I had resigned myself to making due with the one there for the time being. I am going somewhere else now, but I am unsure how long the process will now take. I need new medication in about two or three months. I may have to get my family doctor to fill it for me. It was just a very frustrating situation and they didn't really apologize or offer to FIX their error by making certain I got the care I needed. They gave me the old you can always call Crisis Intervention nonsense. I told my hubby that I am not suicidal...I just need to have someone to continue to monitor my medications. I don't need to be committed because I need a new prescription. I am calmer now, but I am not totally there yet. I keep unconsciously clenching my jaw. I do that when I'm tense. I've also been emotional lately. I'm trying NOT to let the emotions control me. My hormones like to be out of whack. I've been trying to do better with my walk with the Lord, but those very same emotions make me feel defeated and hopeless. I am thankful for the purpose God gives me, and the hope that He gives. My emotions might want to give up, but the rest of me knows why I can't. Also, if it truly is God's purpose I'm trying to fulfill than I can't do it on my own. I like the verse that says, "Faithful is He who calleth you, Who also will do it." Well pep talk to self over I need to try to go to sleep.
Up in the wee hours of the morning, is yet another perk of being bipolar. Yes, that's sarcasm because unlike some, I don't like being like this. I started getting a little more hyper than usual and now I can't sleep. I slept for an hour or two when hubby woke me up and I couldn't get back to sleep after. So I wasn't worried about anything, but I was wide awake. Even though I now feel tired, I still don't feel sleepy. It is hard to explain. Well I already took some calm down medicine and that didn't work so I am getting ready to take more. I use it only when I have to, but considering I need to function in a few hours I WILL consider this one of those times. I was excited about started school and I guess maybe I am going through an up cycle. That sort of makes sense since I had a down cycle in the beginning of the summer. I am glad that the cycles are much shorter than they used to be. I remember being tired and having little energy or ambition to do anyt...
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