That's right I'm sort of here. For too many years, I had to go someplace else figuratively to survive in reality. Now I find it difficult to stay here when I'm really O.K. in the now. I find myself stuck in the reality of my memories I tried so hard to block out. My therapist wants me to see them in a new way. I realized just yesterday that I have to take everyone else out of the equation and focus on healing myself. I'm too concerned with everyone else is the translation of that criptic remark. I can't change what was, but maybe if I can see it differently I can live with it. That is without it messing up how I see things in the present. I know psycho babble. I have no desire to dishonor God or leave His purpose out. I have known since I was small that I needed a Heavenly Father. I was terrified of nightmares and praying to Jesus was the only thing that helped me sleep. Later I trusted Him for other things and yes as a result of His hand in my life I wanted to serve Him. Serving God gives me peace. It is finding ways to serve him each day in other ways that is more challenging. The very thing I must do is seek to do it anyway cause when I don't I have no joy.
I am starting my own blog to reduce my boredom and give me a place to put my thoughts. Recently some people I know put some very difficult words out for all the world to see. I have been chicken to do the same and now I want to set the record straight. I didn't talk to people from high school for over ten years. It seems so silly now. I found out recently that I'm not the only one who grew up in college and beyond. We aren't kids anymore so the past is just that the past. I'll admit some of it I don't want to remember, but we did have some fun times in high school. The truth is something happened to me that I was not at all ready to talk about so I just avoided people. I got married in 1998 to a really great guy I met in college. We were giddy and in love. We decided after nine months of bliss to have a baby. Why not? I was bored and we wanted one. That sounds terrible to say that, but it is true. Boom one month later I was expecting. Three months later Jo
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