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Sort of Here

That's right I'm sort of here. For too many years, I had to go someplace else figuratively to survive in reality. Now I find it difficult to stay here when I'm really O.K. in the now. I find myself stuck in the reality of my memories I tried so hard to block out. My therapist wants me to see them in a new way. I realized just yesterday that I have to take everyone else out of the equation and focus on healing myself. I'm too concerned with everyone else is the translation of that criptic remark. I can't change what was, but maybe if I can see it differently I can live with it. That is without it messing up how I see things in the present. I know psycho babble. I have no desire to dishonor God or leave His purpose out. I have known since I was small that I needed a Heavenly Father. I was terrified of nightmares and praying to Jesus was the only thing that helped me sleep. Later I trusted Him for other things and yes as a result of His hand in my life I wanted to serve Him. Serving God gives me peace. It is finding ways to serve him each day in other ways that is more challenging. The very thing I must do is seek to do it anyway cause when I don't I have no joy.

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