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The Dark Place

I hate it when my mind insists on going there. The Dark place that is. You know the recesses of your mind where all the ugly stuff is hiding. I spent years of my early life stuffing the bad stuff away somewhere and pretending it wasn't there. It would peak out of the drawers and I would slam them shut again. Now my mind is this place where someone dumped out all the files and they are mixed up all over the floor. Sounds like fun doesn't it? I never know which file is going to get opened up next. I can't hide anything cause it's too mixed up. Today the files were opening up too many bad memories and I ask myself what on earth is going on. I am trying to be positive because with my tendency to exaggerate it isn't as bad as it seems. It is harder to do that when you get dumped a stack of stinky papers.

I tried reading my Bible and praying, but it is hard to see the comfort when the guilt bus is parked out front. I have some work to do. Hopefully, next time I can be more positive. Honestly, if I could deal with one memory at a time maybe it would be easier to handle. Maybe I could see the good in all of it. I know logically that God does and did always have a purpose in my life. I would be someone far different if my past had been some other way. I never want my life to be without Him. I hate that something that I was Okay with is now becoming this huge destroyer in my life. Maybe I can't pretend that everything was lovely when it wasn't, but I don't have to stay there. I am no longer there. I don't want to be. I want to enjoy the blessing I have today...not be stuck in the fog of what I can't ever change. So here is the part where I talk myself out of it(:. Weird I know. Got to clean up the file room somehow. I need a hot shower and some caffenee.

Comments

  1. Mrs_ScotsmanOctober 9, 2010 at 3:42 PM

    Hello Friend! Thanks for sharing what is going on with you. I miss you lots.

    It is hard to be stuck in a dark place. I hate it when I feel like I'm walking in a fog. I really do know how you feel.

    ReplyDelete
  2. AmesredOctober 10, 2010 at 11:25 AM

    Thanks! It was just one of those days when I rolled out the bed wrong and it was snowballing on me. By the afternoon, I was feeling much better.

    ReplyDelete

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