Honestly, I choose to write sometimes even on a bad day because it usually helps me sort things out and it shows how far from perfect I am. We all have bad days when we aren't thinking as clearly as we'd like. I'm just more vocal about it than most. The truth is that although my childhood was no picnic, it could have been far worse. The truth is that although my brothers are often aloof it isn't because they don't care, but because they express it differently than I do. Not everyone can be as on the surface as I tend to be. It gets me in all kinds of trouble. I decided that our lives would be extremely boring if we were all exactly alike. I think God has used other people to fill in the gaps that my family may have left. At the end of the day, everything on this earth is only temporary. If I spent far less time worrying about things I can't change and far more time concentrating on the things God has for me to do, what would my life look like then?
I feel not so much a storm as a little shower of emotional rain. My mind is filled to the brim with thoughts and trying not to go batty trying to sort them through on my own. Then I start feeling isolated as I have no one to talk to. I have therapy next week so I will talk then for sure. It’s not even anything bad; it’s just so full I am thinking out loud. That never bothered me before, but now I am feeling unsteady. I have talked to myself my whole life. I am certainly not going to stop now, but it feels like a gateway to the enemy deceiving me all over again. He can disguise his voice to sound like anyone else. So if my thoughts are out loud, I’m Vulnerable. I miss my friends. I have a few here and there . I miss lighthearted fun. I am just waiting for God to pull the curtain on this season and to start to feel more like myself again. I’m not asking God for anything He doesn’t want me to have, I just need to get through this little shower. I know God still has things for me to d...
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