Feeling sad. Missing my family that hardly ever talks to me. Do I really miss them or what I wish they were? We don't get to pick. I had a stupid panic attach last night over my big brother who is forever breaking my heart. I don't know how to love them without it tearing me in pieces at least some of the time. I am too sleep deprived to give this a look on the bright side spin, but most likely I'll feel better tomorrow. I know how incredibly self centered this all sounds. I feel like when I can the ones that do care I'm just bugging them. I'm having one of my incredibly insecure moments.
I feel not so much a storm as a little shower of emotional rain. My mind is filled to the brim with thoughts and trying not to go batty trying to sort them through on my own. Then I start feeling isolated as I have no one to talk to. I have therapy next week so I will talk then for sure. It’s not even anything bad; it’s just so full I am thinking out loud. That never bothered me before, but now I am feeling unsteady. I have talked to myself my whole life. I am certainly not going to stop now, but it feels like a gateway to the enemy deceiving me all over again. He can disguise his voice to sound like anyone else. So if my thoughts are out loud, I’m Vulnerable. I miss my friends. I have a few here and there . I miss lighthearted fun. I am just waiting for God to pull the curtain on this season and to start to feel more like myself again. I’m not asking God for anything He doesn’t want me to have, I just need to get through this little shower. I know God still has things for me to d...
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