Feeling sad. Missing my family that hardly ever talks to me. Do I really miss them or what I wish they were? We don't get to pick. I had a stupid panic attach last night over my big brother who is forever breaking my heart. I don't know how to love them without it tearing me in pieces at least some of the time. I am too sleep deprived to give this a look on the bright side spin, but most likely I'll feel better tomorrow. I know how incredibly self centered this all sounds. I feel like when I can the ones that do care I'm just bugging them. I'm having one of my incredibly insecure moments.
As a kid I watched my parents fight about different things. I don't really have any other parents to compare them to so I can't really say whether they were normal fights couples have or not. I couldn't even say what most of them were about except the ones that were about me. We only ate as a family on holidays. My father came home late so we kids ate without him. I do remember spending time with him in the evening before I went to bed so it couldn't have been that late. My own husband gets home a little later because of his job commute so we eat late every night. But home schooling has given us the ability to be more flexible than my Mom was able to be. We had school early the next day. As I got older, I remember my Father being home less and less and the fights seemed to intensify. I remember one night when I was thirteen. I could hear them yelling through the wall. My mom found me crying and I told her I didn't want them to get a divorce. She told me...
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