Having a bad day. We got ready to go to our field trip and I couldn't find my car keys. A normal thing for me, but they usually turn up rather quickly. My husband was home, but took forever to finally offer to let me use his keys and look for mine later. At this point we could still make it, but we would be just barely on time. I go out to the car and it won't start. The battery was completely dead. I know these things happen. I told my husband who proceeded to start shouting in frustration. My children were upset cause they had to miss their outing. And needless to say yikes it was frustrating to me too. Mostly feeling trapped in all that hostility. I ended up getting mad myself no big shock and the domino effect of all four of us was a mess. Now in the aftermath of the whole big ridiculous thing I am trying to calm down and carry on with our day. We still have a bunch of stuff to do. So now what do I look for my car keys again or go make bread? I know to some of you with real problems this stuff seems so trivial. It's just that this is our only running vehicle. A dead battery is an easy fix, but we have replaced battery at least three times in the past few years. It's an old car so I guess that is one of it's idiosyncrasies. Well I could rant all day, but the bread won't bake itself and I feel much better now.
I feel not so much a storm as a little shower of emotional rain. My mind is filled to the brim with thoughts and trying not to go batty trying to sort them through on my own. Then I start feeling isolated as I have no one to talk to. I have therapy next week so I will talk then for sure. It’s not even anything bad; it’s just so full I am thinking out loud. That never bothered me before, but now I am feeling unsteady. I have talked to myself my whole life. I am certainly not going to stop now, but it feels like a gateway to the enemy deceiving me all over again. He can disguise his voice to sound like anyone else. So if my thoughts are out loud, I’m Vulnerable. I miss my friends. I have a few here and there . I miss lighthearted fun. I am just waiting for God to pull the curtain on this season and to start to feel more like myself again. I’m not asking God for anything He doesn’t want me to have, I just need to get through this little shower. I know God still has things for me to d...
Comments
Post a Comment