Thinking about all the people I've know over the years from the five states and five churches I've been a part of. I can't say there were many real friends although MANY deal people made an impact in my life. There were caring teachers when I was a kid and sweet kind believers who helped in times of need. I know I am part of the reason there were few lasting friendships. I haven't been that great at it. I am learning. I have to say that it was my family that surprised me the most. In my toughest moments, or should I say my ugliest(:; It was my family that loved me anyway. They except me just as I am. I am so thankful for that. I have a few real friends that are amazing, but they aren't blood. I don't expect them to put up with whatever I dish up. In turn, I have to take whatever they dish up. I spent away my energy trying to please people that didn't matter. I should be "proving what is acceptable unto the Lord."
I feel not so much a storm as a little shower of emotional rain. My mind is filled to the brim with thoughts and trying not to go batty trying to sort them through on my own. Then I start feeling isolated as I have no one to talk to. I have therapy next week so I will talk then for sure. It’s not even anything bad; it’s just so full I am thinking out loud. That never bothered me before, but now I am feeling unsteady. I have talked to myself my whole life. I am certainly not going to stop now, but it feels like a gateway to the enemy deceiving me all over again. He can disguise his voice to sound like anyone else. So if my thoughts are out loud, I’m Vulnerable. I miss my friends. I have a few here and there . I miss lighthearted fun. I am just waiting for God to pull the curtain on this season and to start to feel more like myself again. I’m not asking God for anything He doesn’t want me to have, I just need to get through this little shower. I know God still has things for me to d...
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