Skip to main content

So Now What?

I had planned last night to write something eloquent, but opted to sleep instead. And now in the words of my father, "I have nothing brilliant to say." Seriously, the last month and a half has been busy with the finishing of the school year. I am always a little surprised how wiped out I feel shortly after. What just happened? Bam! Just another school year ended. The summer started with a blast of activity that I was less than enthusiastic to participate in. We have done some things, but I'm still feeling wiped. Not exciting or eloquent, I know, just true. Do all mothers feel this way or just us nutty ones? Yes, I am calling myself nutty. As for the rest of you, you can decide for yourself.

As for my bipolar, I have been on a mini-roller coaster ride lately. Up, down, up, down, around a curve, and up, down, up. I say mini cause I am not having extreme swings just minor ones. I would even go so far as to say that I am not really depressed at all just more tired than usual. As for the other, a little more irritable and weepy than usual, but nothing to worry about. I could be a normal woman imagine that! My hubby will never understand that one for sure.

I read a verse today from Romans today about being faithful and tonight we had a message that sort of talked about that as well. I love how the Holy Spirit twines the thoughts of different people together to still give out God's clear message. I sang "All on the Altar" this morning and I could feel myself choke up towards the end. My emotions are so raw right now. Do I really want peace enough to be faithful? Or would I rather do what I want and be happy for a moment? I know it sounds so simple doesn't it? Of course I want peace, but I struggle with that day to day battle against the flesh every single day. Hip Hip Hurray Got Through Today. Now for the strength to do it all again tomorrow.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

A Little Shower

 I feel not so much a storm as a little shower of emotional rain. My mind is filled to the brim with thoughts and trying not to go batty trying to sort them through on my own. Then I start feeling isolated as I have no one to talk to. I have therapy next week so I will talk then for sure. It’s not even anything bad; it’s just so full I am thinking out loud. That never bothered me before, but now I am feeling unsteady. I have talked to myself my whole life. I am certainly not going to stop now, but it feels like a gateway to the enemy deceiving me all over again. He can disguise his voice to sound like anyone else. So if my thoughts are out loud, I’m Vulnerable. I miss my friends. I have a few here and there . I miss lighthearted fun. I am just waiting for God to pull the curtain on this season and to start to feel more like myself again. I’m not asking God for anything He doesn’t want me to have, I just need to get through this little shower. I know God still has things for me to d...

Time to Get Healthy

 Have you ever settled for just fine? Have you ever found yourself in pain every day and been told this is just normal for your age? After just not feeling good for a long time, I realized I was gaining weight again rapidly. I found this webinar about low thyroid and weight loss. I thought what’s the harm? I knew after that first session that I had found a solution. People have been telling me for years how they gave up sugar and felt amazing. I thought I just couldn’t do it. Now years later even before I started to watch I knew I have to give up sugar. Giving up gluten didn’t really help me because so much of the gluten free foods are loaded with sugar. Anyway, if you see me eating a chocolate bar, send help 🤣. I really want to wake up in the morning ready to start a day. Like that feeling on Christmas morning when you just can’t wait to get out of bed. What would it be like to feel like that every day? My pain is less some days than others. Exercise helps. I am thankful my God l...

It’s Complicated

I found myself using this phrase rather trying to explain the conveluted mess that seems to be my family relationships with my parents and siblings. My mother is visiting and I am reminded that nothing is EVER her fault. No she is forever the victim of everything and everyone around her. My father on the other hand would say sarcastically, “Go ahead, Blame me. Everything is my fault.” Yet he somehow escapes responsibility for his bad choices. We are not at war. I am not carrrying around a bitterness bucket. Don’t get me wrong. I get we can’t change the past and we all make mistakes. I struggle with the not ever admitting doing anything wrong part. Put your seven year old girl in a room. Expect her to entertain herself and be quiet all the time. When that fails, she is just an uncontrollable child. Really? Are my parents that obtuse? I wasn’t badly behaved anywhere else, but at home. As a parent, I make mistakes ALL the time. Those are my fault. My responsibility! I think I am so defens...