Remember when you were a young teenager. Excited to be entered in to the "big kids" group. Nervous about all the changes. I am trying to think back to that time. To what I was thinking and feeling and how I acted. I was one of those kids who saved up my teen "moodiness" for my family to deal with. So for the most part, my church friends and teachers didn't see that much of that. My family on the other hand, had to deal with gloomy miss one day and enraged girl the other. Not sure what I was so angry about. There was a lot going on all at once. My father leaving at fourteen, my mother going to pieces daily, and my brothers being gone most of the time. My safe innocent world being suddenly frightening and unsafe. Like the first time your forced to dive in to the deep end of the smelling public swimming pool. I remember I used to feel safe in the woods behind my house until my neighbors told me not to go there anymore because some girl had been raped or murdered back there. Not sure which. It sounds pretty morbid I know. At the end though, where did that leave me to go. My Mom was falling to pieces in the house, couldn't be safe outside, and my best friend's house wasn't safe anymore. I went to church every chance I got. Needless to say I liked being there. I liked going to see the Nursing Home as long as the crazy lady didn't grab onto me. I liked singing in the teen choir. It was fun going out after church with friends for Ice Cream or snacks on Sunday nights. Those are good memories. That was my fun inside the storm so to speak.
Now I'm leading a small bunch of teens often thrown together with these reluctant moody ones wondering how on earth do I get through to them. I don't know what it's like to be forced to participate in this or that because my parents didn't really care what I was doing. If they had maybe my story would be different. Less sad maybe. But the truth is they didn't. They didn't care. They thought their job was being done. These teens have parents who see beyond feeding and clothing their children. They do care where their children are and want them at church serving the Lord. For my part I just want to shake em and tell them to wake up. They so don't get it. And will they even in time before they mess up there lives trying to prove how mature they are.
That's my rant for today. For what it's worth today I am blessed and my God is ever Faithful.
I am starting my own blog to reduce my boredom and give me a place to put my thoughts. Recently some people I know put some very difficult words out for all the world to see. I have been chicken to do the same and now I want to set the record straight. I didn't talk to people from high school for over ten years. It seems so silly now. I found out recently that I'm not the only one who grew up in college and beyond. We aren't kids anymore so the past is just that the past. I'll admit some of it I don't want to remember, but we did have some fun times in high school. The truth is something happened to me that I was not at all ready to talk about so I just avoided people. I got married in 1998 to a really great guy I met in college. We were giddy and in love. We decided after nine months of bliss to have a baby. Why not? I was bored and we wanted one. That sounds terrible to say that, but it is true. Boom one month later I was expecting. Three months later Jo
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