I am so glad to have friends. As for the grown-up part, just watching my children with their struggles makes me thankful that stuff is behind me. Remember when it was the end of the world to be picked last for gym class, called ridiculous names, or left out of the popular crowd. I don't have a crowd I am desperate to get into and if someone doesn't accept me; I don't care. That isn't to say that there feelings and needs don't matter, but I am not going to spend all my energy trying to please the unpleaseable. I am not going to waste my time trying to be liked by someone who just chooses not to like me. That's their problem not mine. It is wonderful to no longer feel that great insecurity that used to weigh me down so much. Not only do I have better relationships with my friends and family, but I also feel more secure in my relationship with God. I don't have to fear that God will not accept me. He already has! He won't break his promises.
I feel not so much a storm as a little shower of emotional rain. My mind is filled to the brim with thoughts and trying not to go batty trying to sort them through on my own. Then I start feeling isolated as I have no one to talk to. I have therapy next week so I will talk then for sure. It’s not even anything bad; it’s just so full I am thinking out loud. That never bothered me before, but now I am feeling unsteady. I have talked to myself my whole life. I am certainly not going to stop now, but it feels like a gateway to the enemy deceiving me all over again. He can disguise his voice to sound like anyone else. So if my thoughts are out loud, I’m Vulnerable. I miss my friends. I have a few here and there . I miss lighthearted fun. I am just waiting for God to pull the curtain on this season and to start to feel more like myself again. I’m not asking God for anything He doesn’t want me to have, I just need to get through this little shower. I know God still has things for me to d...
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