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Mom's Need a Vacation Too

School's out and this Mom is glad. We still have a few things to get ready for the evaluator and school district, but I am going to take a day off. I am cool with cleaning my house, washing clothes. Just need a break from the heavy stuff. We are getting ready for a birthday so there is plenty to do. Yes, I stayed up way too late and tomorrow I am going to read a book while doing the laundry and making yogurt. No other real big projects until at least Tuesday. I would like a day when we don't go anywhere. Running, running, and feeling stressed. I could feel my thoughts starting to race at night. I know it was just system overload. Now for system shut-down. No, I am not a robot. I realize when you journal at 1:30 in the morning things don't sound all that sophisticated. Oh well! Racing thoughts is when I am thinking way too fast and I can't quite figure out what's in my head anymore. I don't really have to be particularly worried about anything. Just over-processed. I think it is one of many aspects of mental illness that people don't really understand. And here is my rant for the day... I find myself in an old unhealthy pattern. Being used by people that really don't seem to care about my needs at all. I want to help others, but I don't like being used. Is it possible I'm overreacting or could some people really do that without realizing they are truly hurting me. I know I am the queen of naive, but I try to think the best of others. However, there is this one person that only contacts me when she needs something. She doesn't come to our house for get-to-gethers. She doesn't open up to me about anything personal. I get the feeling that she somehow disapproves of me. Probably thinks I will be a bad influence on her children. Of course, I haven't told her this because sometimes my head invents problems that don't really exist. For the four people who actually read my blog..don't try to guess, you don't know her(: I just wonder if it isn't time to be honest and start taking better care of myself. Not in a selfish sort of way, but in a I have feelings too sort of way. I'm just not sure how to do it without sounding like a child who didn't get picked for a team in gym class. Sometimes, I still feel like that little girl and I know that's not healthy. And this person has been in my life for a long time so she may not see me as the person I have become, but rather the person she thinks I am.

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