Is it just a bad day or the sign that bad times are just beginning. You see before I was "bipolar" I didn't worry about that. I had a bad mood and it was just a bad mood. Now I know if I am overly angry, irritable or emotional that it can also be a sign of a season of hypo mania or depression. I do have type one bipolar, but that doesn't mean I don't get hypo mania. Mini mania episodes. Days or hours of slightly heightened mood followed by insomnia, weepiness, and irritability. I just don't know when to react and take action and when to relax and see what tomorrow brings. I have decided to give it a day and see how that goes knowing I have made the necessary changes to get things calmed down. If that doesn't work, I am calling the doctor and increasing my medication. I have been on a low dose for a year now due to some side effects of the medication. I always said I would increase if necessary to stabilize. It is hard not to feel like a failure when this happens. As if I did something wrong to make it happen. Maybe I did, but it sure wasn't intentional. After effects of my latest meltdown. I am tired and sad. I took a zanex or I wouldn't be tired at all. I am canceling everything unnecessary until I feel more like my normal. Like a switch flipped on or off, I could wake up feeling normal. It felt like a switch went off today, but I recognize that there has been a slow increased mood shift over several weeks. Probably my meds slowed it down, but did not prevent it.
Up in the wee hours of the morning, is yet another perk of being bipolar. Yes, that's sarcasm because unlike some, I don't like being like this. I started getting a little more hyper than usual and now I can't sleep. I slept for an hour or two when hubby woke me up and I couldn't get back to sleep after. So I wasn't worried about anything, but I was wide awake. Even though I now feel tired, I still don't feel sleepy. It is hard to explain. Well I already took some calm down medicine and that didn't work so I am getting ready to take more. I use it only when I have to, but considering I need to function in a few hours I WILL consider this one of those times. I was excited about started school and I guess maybe I am going through an up cycle. That sort of makes sense since I had a down cycle in the beginning of the summer. I am glad that the cycles are much shorter than they used to be. I remember being tired and having little energy or ambition to do anyt...
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