Is it just a bad day or the sign that bad times are just beginning. You see before I was "bipolar" I didn't worry about that. I had a bad mood and it was just a bad mood. Now I know if I am overly angry, irritable or emotional that it can also be a sign of a season of hypo mania or depression. I do have type one bipolar, but that doesn't mean I don't get hypo mania. Mini mania episodes. Days or hours of slightly heightened mood followed by insomnia, weepiness, and irritability. I just don't know when to react and take action and when to relax and see what tomorrow brings. I have decided to give it a day and see how that goes knowing I have made the necessary changes to get things calmed down. If that doesn't work, I am calling the doctor and increasing my medication. I have been on a low dose for a year now due to some side effects of the medication. I always said I would increase if necessary to stabilize. It is hard not to feel like a failure when this happens. As if I did something wrong to make it happen. Maybe I did, but it sure wasn't intentional. After effects of my latest meltdown. I am tired and sad. I took a zanex or I wouldn't be tired at all. I am canceling everything unnecessary until I feel more like my normal. Like a switch flipped on or off, I could wake up feeling normal. It felt like a switch went off today, but I recognize that there has been a slow increased mood shift over several weeks. Probably my meds slowed it down, but did not prevent it.
As a kid I watched my parents fight about different things. I don't really have any other parents to compare them to so I can't really say whether they were normal fights couples have or not. I couldn't even say what most of them were about except the ones that were about me. We only ate as a family on holidays. My father came home late so we kids ate without him. I do remember spending time with him in the evening before I went to bed so it couldn't have been that late. My own husband gets home a little later because of his job commute so we eat late every night. But home schooling has given us the ability to be more flexible than my Mom was able to be. We had school early the next day. As I got older, I remember my Father being home less and less and the fights seemed to intensify. I remember one night when I was thirteen. I could hear them yelling through the wall. My mom found me crying and I told her I didn't want them to get a divorce. She told me...
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