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Oh Now I Remember, I Have Bipolar

I guess my episode has been coming on slowly for several weeks and I didn't realize or I would have tried to increase my medication sooner. Of course not being aware that you are really not okay is part of being bipolar. I don't want to be manic or depressed, but sometimes I just don't see the warning signs. I am now super anxious. Tried going out today and besides being overly irritable like yesterday, everything has a haze. That happens when I am extremely anxious. I struggle to go and do the simplest little things. One trip to an uncrowded mall and I felt like I could barely see straight. I thought taking a break from my kids by myself would be good for me, but I didn't realize my own symptoms had escalated. I did increase my medication yesterday, but it will take more than a day to see benefits. And yes, I believe God is able as always. This type of anxiousness is not worry in the traditional sense. It is just an irrational fear of the things around me. Once I can identify that fear; it will go away. Because it is not rational to think that the people around me are attacking me like alien invaders. If you spell it out it really does seem quite ridiculous. But why do OCD patients count things or touch every crack they pass? Mental illness is unique to the individual. Mine causes irrational fears. So I need to pray for God to help me to see what's true when I am being bombarded by what isn't. I will also pray that this episode will end quickly. "But God is faithful Who will not tempt us above that which we are able..."

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