Skip to main content

Oh Now I Remember, I Have Bipolar

I guess my episode has been coming on slowly for several weeks and I didn't realize or I would have tried to increase my medication sooner. Of course not being aware that you are really not okay is part of being bipolar. I don't want to be manic or depressed, but sometimes I just don't see the warning signs. I am now super anxious. Tried going out today and besides being overly irritable like yesterday, everything has a haze. That happens when I am extremely anxious. I struggle to go and do the simplest little things. One trip to an uncrowded mall and I felt like I could barely see straight. I thought taking a break from my kids by myself would be good for me, but I didn't realize my own symptoms had escalated. I did increase my medication yesterday, but it will take more than a day to see benefits. And yes, I believe God is able as always. This type of anxiousness is not worry in the traditional sense. It is just an irrational fear of the things around me. Once I can identify that fear; it will go away. Because it is not rational to think that the people around me are attacking me like alien invaders. If you spell it out it really does seem quite ridiculous. But why do OCD patients count things or touch every crack they pass? Mental illness is unique to the individual. Mine causes irrational fears. So I need to pray for God to help me to see what's true when I am being bombarded by what isn't. I will also pray that this episode will end quickly. "But God is faithful Who will not tempt us above that which we are able..."

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Little Shower

 I feel not so much a storm as a little shower of emotional rain. My mind is filled to the brim with thoughts and trying not to go batty trying to sort them through on my own. Then I start feeling isolated as I have no one to talk to. I have therapy next week so I will talk then for sure. It’s not even anything bad; it’s just so full I am thinking out loud. That never bothered me before, but now I am feeling unsteady. I have talked to myself my whole life. I am certainly not going to stop now, but it feels like a gateway to the enemy deceiving me all over again. He can disguise his voice to sound like anyone else. So if my thoughts are out loud, I’m Vulnerable. I miss my friends. I have a few here and there . I miss lighthearted fun. I am just waiting for God to pull the curtain on this season and to start to feel more like myself again. I’m not asking God for anything He doesn’t want me to have, I just need to get through this little shower. I know God still has things for me to d...
Post a Comment
Read more

Time to Get Healthy

 Have you ever settled for just fine? Have you ever found yourself in pain every day and been told this is just normal for your age? After just not feeling good for a long time, I realized I was gaining weight again rapidly. I found this webinar about low thyroid and weight loss. I thought what’s the harm? I knew after that first session that I had found a solution. People have been telling me for years how they gave up sugar and felt amazing. I thought I just couldn’t do it. Now years later even before I started to watch I knew I have to give up sugar. Giving up gluten didn’t really help me because so much of the gluten free foods are loaded with sugar. Anyway, if you see me eating a chocolate bar, send help 🤣. I really want to wake up in the morning ready to start a day. Like that feeling on Christmas morning when you just can’t wait to get out of bed. What would it be like to feel like that every day? My pain is less some days than others. Exercise helps. I am thankful my God l...
Post a Comment
Read more

It’s Complicated

I found myself using this phrase rather trying to explain the conveluted mess that seems to be my family relationships with my parents and siblings. My mother is visiting and I am reminded that nothing is EVER her fault. No she is forever the victim of everything and everyone around her. My father on the other hand would say sarcastically, “Go ahead, Blame me. Everything is my fault.” Yet he somehow escapes responsibility for his bad choices. We are not at war. I am not carrrying around a bitterness bucket. Don’t get me wrong. I get we can’t change the past and we all make mistakes. I struggle with the not ever admitting doing anything wrong part. Put your seven year old girl in a room. Expect her to entertain herself and be quiet all the time. When that fails, she is just an uncontrollable child. Really? Are my parents that obtuse? I wasn’t badly behaved anywhere else, but at home. As a parent, I make mistakes ALL the time. Those are my fault. My responsibility! I think I am so defens...
1 comment
Read more