If you asked me, I would tell you that when things are good I take things one day at a time. When things are bad, I take things one moment at a time. We had a rough weekend. Traveled to a family funeral last week. It was a beautiful service and we were glad to be there. Sometimes there is just too much love for me too handle...hee hee. I get stressed when there are too many people and no escape. I had that experience Friday followed by having to take my husband to the emergency room. From then on I was in auto-pilot mode. We got his eye checked out and treated. Came home Sunday evening to a cold house. The pilot light had gone out on the furnace and we couldn't get it to re-light. We had to use space heaters till the next afternoon when the furnace man fixed it. I now have the spinning head syn-drum that comes from all this excitement. I took a whole doze of one of my little white pills without guilt last night or I would have been up half the night. I still have so much to do and I am trying to muster up the strength to care. I know I can't complain about this because it would sound so very selfish. I really don't know why I am such a nervous person except that I always have been. I suppose it all started with my childhood. Not knowing when the danger would begin. Never feeling truly safe. I can only guess that now..I am safe, but my body just isn't capable of calming down correctly. I trusted God then in the dark places; in the terror. I trust Him now in the light. I can only hope that some day when I see Jesus; He will take my fears away for good. If you're reading this, I just needed to vent my feelings. I know I am blessed. I know I am loved.
I feel not so much a storm as a little shower of emotional rain. My mind is filled to the brim with thoughts and trying not to go batty trying to sort them through on my own. Then I start feeling isolated as I have no one to talk to. I have therapy next week so I will talk then for sure. It’s not even anything bad; it’s just so full I am thinking out loud. That never bothered me before, but now I am feeling unsteady. I have talked to myself my whole life. I am certainly not going to stop now, but it feels like a gateway to the enemy deceiving me all over again. He can disguise his voice to sound like anyone else. So if my thoughts are out loud, I’m Vulnerable. I miss my friends. I have a few here and there . I miss lighthearted fun. I am just waiting for God to pull the curtain on this season and to start to feel more like myself again. I’m not asking God for anything He doesn’t want me to have, I just need to get through this little shower. I know God still has things for me to d...
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