If you asked me, I would tell you that when things are good I take things one day at a time. When things are bad, I take things one moment at a time. We had a rough weekend. Traveled to a family funeral last week. It was a beautiful service and we were glad to be there. Sometimes there is just too much love for me too handle...hee hee. I get stressed when there are too many people and no escape. I had that experience Friday followed by having to take my husband to the emergency room. From then on I was in auto-pilot mode. We got his eye checked out and treated. Came home Sunday evening to a cold house. The pilot light had gone out on the furnace and we couldn't get it to re-light. We had to use space heaters till the next afternoon when the furnace man fixed it. I now have the spinning head syn-drum that comes from all this excitement. I took a whole doze of one of my little white pills without guilt last night or I would have been up half the night. I still have so much to do and I am trying to muster up the strength to care. I know I can't complain about this because it would sound so very selfish. I really don't know why I am such a nervous person except that I always have been. I suppose it all started with my childhood. Not knowing when the danger would begin. Never feeling truly safe. I can only guess that now..I am safe, but my body just isn't capable of calming down correctly. I trusted God then in the dark places; in the terror. I trust Him now in the light. I can only hope that some day when I see Jesus; He will take my fears away for good. If you're reading this, I just needed to vent my feelings. I know I am blessed. I know I am loved.
I am starting my own blog to reduce my boredom and give me a place to put my thoughts. Recently some people I know put some very difficult words out for all the world to see. I have been chicken to do the same and now I want to set the record straight. I didn't talk to people from high school for over ten years. It seems so silly now. I found out recently that I'm not the only one who grew up in college and beyond. We aren't kids anymore so the past is just that the past. I'll admit some of it I don't want to remember, but we did have some fun times in high school. The truth is something happened to me that I was not at all ready to talk about so I just avoided people. I got married in 1998 to a really great guy I met in college. We were giddy and in love. We decided after nine months of bliss to have a baby. Why not? I was bored and we wanted one. That sounds terrible to say that, but it is true. Boom one month later I was expecting. Three months later Jo
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