Today is my youngest son's birthday. His birth was much less traumatic than his older brother's. He was the best baby. I would put him in his crib and he would just coo and talk to himself until he got sleepy. He hardly ever cried. He did pull down the curtains in his room and I had to remove most of the bedding from his crib. He is our destroyer. He is also the family ham. You know, the child that puts underwear on his head until he gets a reaction. Of course if you asked him that now, he would deny it. He doesn't like to be called out on his silly behavior. But do any of us really? I think we have managed to give him enough healthy attention that he won't be permanently warped. This is the boy who usually will give me hugs. I will miss that. The little boy is going away. I am thankful for him and I pray that I will have the wisdom to help him mature.
I feel not so much a storm as a little shower of emotional rain. My mind is filled to the brim with thoughts and trying not to go batty trying to sort them through on my own. Then I start feeling isolated as I have no one to talk to. I have therapy next week so I will talk then for sure. It’s not even anything bad; it’s just so full I am thinking out loud. That never bothered me before, but now I am feeling unsteady. I have talked to myself my whole life. I am certainly not going to stop now, but it feels like a gateway to the enemy deceiving me all over again. He can disguise his voice to sound like anyone else. So if my thoughts are out loud, I’m Vulnerable. I miss my friends. I have a few here and there . I miss lighthearted fun. I am just waiting for God to pull the curtain on this season and to start to feel more like myself again. I’m not asking God for anything He doesn’t want me to have, I just need to get through this little shower. I know God still has things for me to d...
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