Remember the days when you are too tired to bathe. I remember that. I feel that way now(:. I just want to crash and sleep. I tried caffeine to buy me some extra time awake, but it didn't work. I am just worn out. Truth be told, I have been tired all the time lately. I am fine until I stop and then I feel it. I probably have some vitamin deficiency or other. Now, I realize I am ranting about ills which is quite boring. I have been very busy for several weeks with my volunteer work and I haven't had time to clean my house. The worse it got; the worse I felt. Maybe it is psychological. I am thankful the house if finally cleaner and I feel less hopeless about doing the parts I still have left to do.
Do you even fear doing something just because it is new or different? I find it funny trying to explain that to people. You know the ones. They rearrange their house because they are bored. Me, I just want to be surrounded by the familiar in my home. If I like something, then it stays put(:. Why move the couch? It works where it is. I have to force myself to go into new situations. Otherwise, I would stay home all the time and get really depressed. Sometimes in trying that new place, things don't go so smoothly. I get nervous and talk to loud or say something outrageous. That leaves a terrible first impression and often I am not given a chance for a second. I say all this to reach out and offer the truth that I know I am not alone. I might be thirty eight years old, but sometimes I am still the shy girl who stood behind the teacher afraid to play with the kids. Now, where does Christ come into all that? It gets rather confusing, but to say that when I am witnessing, I trust Him for strength and all that petty stuff doesn't matter. In relationships with other Christians there is such a lack of spiritual support. You can barely say you are praying for someone. To be honest about a spiritual need or ask them about there's just isn't done. Are we really that unspiritual or are we just afraid to be honest? I want so badly to bare my heart, but I so often give it up to easily. How can I know who to trust. And truly, I don't want more friends who do things for me out of some obligation. I need some who I can give to as well as receive. That is my prayer. That I can have wisdom to know how to give my heart to encourage the right people and honor God first.
I am starting my own blog to reduce my boredom and give me a place to put my thoughts. Recently some people I know put some very difficult words out for all the world to see. I have been chicken to do the same and now I want to set the record straight. I didn't talk to people from high school for over ten years. It seems so silly now. I found out recently that I'm not the only one who grew up in college and beyond. We aren't kids anymore so the past is just that the past. I'll admit some of it I don't want to remember, but we did have some fun times in high school. The truth is something happened to me that I was not at all ready to talk about so I just avoided people. I got married in 1998 to a really great guy I met in college. We were giddy and in love. We decided after nine months of bliss to have a baby. Why not? I was bored and we wanted one. That sounds terrible to say that, but it is true. Boom one month later I was expecting. Three months later Jo
Comments
Post a Comment