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Doledrums.

I have a wee case of the doledrums which is weird cause it is finally spring and the sun is shining most everyday. My alergies are acting up and I have been tired and stressed. I feel a strong desire to rebell agaist my responsibilites and run away from home for a bit. Now my home is quiet and dull and hubby is not here. Off playing games again. My Uncle died this week. We weren't close. I feel bad that I am not sad. He was my father's younger brother. My father is really sad about it. He has been taking care of him a lot the last couple of years. Taking him to special doctors and visiting with him. I can't imagine losing one of my brothers, EVEN the one I don't get along with so well. It's not that we don't get along, it's that we don't talk much because he prefers it that way. Enough about big bro. Anyway, my Uncle was a drunk in his early years and unfortunitely, I have memories of him yelling at his family when he was under the influence. That was years ago however, he stopped drinking several years ago and was much better. He was kind of larger than life to me so he seemed still a bit antimidating. I know he loved his family and I hope he is with Jesus. When I was young, my parents, and my Aunts and Uncles, all went to church together a some. I am hoping they were saved at that time. My father said in his text that he "went to be with the Lord." I don't think he would have used those words just to apese us. The truth is that I am loney and sad and I miss my family even though I know they don't need me. I know my father won't want me there and I can't get there now anyway. It just makes me sad. My husband's family can band together in a crisis and help each other through. Mine is just so beyond broken. I just hope my own little family doesn't break too.

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