We all have our ups and downs, but when you are bipolar they tend to be more up than normal and more down then healthy. I've been more manic lately then depressed. I can't sleep as well as I should. Sometimes that makes me moody, but more frequently it just makes it difficult to concentrate. I am stressed and it's effecting my ability to accomplish things well. I have a very strong desire to hide out for a while. The more I push myself to keep going, the harder is seems to be to do things. My husband has told me several times in the last few days that I was talking too fast. The scatter in my head is out of the bag. I have a lot I need to do before I can slow down however, I am trying to cut up whatever I can. If I confide my concern, most people will think I am overacting or complaining and fail to understand my fear. I scard myself the other day when I started babbling. I just couldn't get my words to come out. I need to go to bed and try to sleep now. I hope this will get better. Life is a heavy weight right now. I don't know how to balance stuff with rest anymore. I need to be active not to be depressed, but too much active isn't healthy for me either. I really could use a new brain. This is my safe place where I can vent without judgement. I don't feel like anyone understands.
As for my relationship with God. I know He is there and I am trying to be faithful. I am going to have to take a nudget of truth at a time and remember the verses I know by heart till my head clears.
I feel not so much a storm as a little shower of emotional rain. My mind is filled to the brim with thoughts and trying not to go batty trying to sort them through on my own. Then I start feeling isolated as I have no one to talk to. I have therapy next week so I will talk then for sure. It’s not even anything bad; it’s just so full I am thinking out loud. That never bothered me before, but now I am feeling unsteady. I have talked to myself my whole life. I am certainly not going to stop now, but it feels like a gateway to the enemy deceiving me all over again. He can disguise his voice to sound like anyone else. So if my thoughts are out loud, I’m Vulnerable. I miss my friends. I have a few here and there . I miss lighthearted fun. I am just waiting for God to pull the curtain on this season and to start to feel more like myself again. I’m not asking God for anything He doesn’t want me to have, I just need to get through this little shower. I know God still has things for me to d...
Comments
Post a Comment