Have you ever heard anyone ask you to take off your kid gloves? Someone else told me to develop Rhino skin. Seems to me we come up with a lot of interesting ways to tell people to toughen up. I have come to the conclusion that if I DID toughen up as much as I likely need to in order to "take" what others dish out all the time, I would no longer be totally me. My ability to feel for others comes from being able to hurt for them. Being more sensitive makes me more vulnerable to being hurt, but always able to have deeper compassion. In short, we can't have it both ways. My wonderful tough friends are great leaders. I am a boo-boo kisser(:. Not that I can fix all the boo-boos of the world. I am just learning to figure out where my strengths and weaknesses are and try to be less self critical. It is so easy to list out all of my short comings and become consumed by the lack of improvement. I wish I could encourage myself as easily as I can someone else. Words can be so sweet or so bitter. They can offer medicine or offer poison. Once the poison is in there; it is difficult to remove. I can only hope I haven't poisoned anyone I love, but sadly I might have):.
I feel not so much a storm as a little shower of emotional rain. My mind is filled to the brim with thoughts and trying not to go batty trying to sort them through on my own. Then I start feeling isolated as I have no one to talk to. I have therapy next week so I will talk then for sure. It’s not even anything bad; it’s just so full I am thinking out loud. That never bothered me before, but now I am feeling unsteady. I have talked to myself my whole life. I am certainly not going to stop now, but it feels like a gateway to the enemy deceiving me all over again. He can disguise his voice to sound like anyone else. So if my thoughts are out loud, I’m Vulnerable. I miss my friends. I have a few here and there . I miss lighthearted fun. I am just waiting for God to pull the curtain on this season and to start to feel more like myself again. I’m not asking God for anything He doesn’t want me to have, I just need to get through this little shower. I know God still has things for me to d...
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