Difficult Mirrors

Okay, I admit I am running out of good title ideas, but here goes. Have you ever met someone who is almost a mirror of yourself. You see in that person all your weaknesses magnified. I have had such a privilege recently. I talked to a woman on the phone and she felt connected to me and pushed to start a friendship. That part is not really like me at all for the record, but she has other qualities that are like mine. You know how something someone does is grating while you totally know you do it too. I have difficulty concentrating on any one thing for a long period of time unless I am very engaged so when I talk to people I have to work extra hard to focus. Because I am aware of it now, I try to listen and have gotten better about asking someone to repeat certain things or just out loud repeating what they said to make sure I heard them correctly. That seems to help and I remember more of what they say that way too. I had an incident with someone close to me a not long ago and I could tell she was really angry I didn't hear her, but I can only say that I didn't ignore her because she isn't interesting or important. At the time I was very hungry and tired...focusing was just not happening. But because she was also hungry and tired ...she was frustrated. It is a terrible thing to have as a weakness because I don't want my friends and family to think that they are less important to me than myself. Anyway, I am working on it. I sometimes feel like people don't listen to me either, but part of the problem is that things are so clear in my head and then they come out all mixed together. My brain is so messed up. So back to the mirror. My whole point is that this new acquaintance is me about ten years ago in a few areas. She is loud inappropriately (well, I am still that):) ; she strings balls of thought together and runs on and on from subject to subject faster than I can follow. Oh, I still do that too. She runs people through a filter that isn't realistic. I have done that in the past. I like her, but at the same time she gets on my nerves just a bit. Funny thing is, I get on her nerves just a bit too. She thinks my humor is too much and rude. I think it can be, but isn't usually. But I promised I wouldn't tease her anymore. I don't like to be teased either although it is part of daily life for me. I know it is not my job to "manage" her as my husband would say. I just need to be there. It will be good exercise for me relationship wise, but I think for now less is more. I only have one friend I can be open with about my emotional struggles and she is miles away and so not stable right now. I miss having someone who gets me, but it has been good for me to have to learn to hold back my emotions. I still wake up some days wanting to go back to bed. I still have nights when I feel like I just want to disappear. I still struggle with ugly thoughts and memories every single day. I could give it a fancy name like PTSS, but really who cares whether it has a name or not. Most of the time I am good for most of the day. Most of the time it is just moments of weakness rather then minutes or hours. I can see or hear something that will trigger the spiral to start again or maybe the thought just pops out of no where. I do wonder sometimes. Do regular people battle this too? Hubby says there are no regular people just people. Okay, people, do you have these moments too? What do you say to yourself in that moment? How do you pull the curtain and get up the next day and do it all again? I can feel the clock ticking and the hours surging by. You know how when you were a kid the clock seemed to take forever to move when you were waiting for school to end. Now, I am an adult the clock just is flying. Ticking so fast. It is probably that mess in my head again ticking(:. I need to go now, I am getting sleepy. I am reading Isaiah right now, but I took a break to read about Elijah. We had a missionary do a message on him recently. I didn't like the approach he took so I decided to read the passages myself and see what I saw. I think God shows tremendous compassion and mercy to Elijah. Why is that recorded? I think God knows when we are hurting and offers us the exactly what we need. In Elijah's case when Elijah wanted to die God said No, but took him home to heaven anyway. My long conclusion is that God is listening, even if He says No.