I turned 40 this week. I really dreaded this one. I was concerned I would be so very alone on a big birthday and feel really depressed. Weird thing is I was not sad. I was pretty much alone, but it was okay this year. I think not expecting anything worked way better than if I had expected and no one remembered. I was remembered by my family and that's all there is for me. I have a handful of friends, but we don't celebrate each other's birthdays. I am still missing that here. My close friend that I would do things like that with is not here. I do have a new friend and we are working on it slowly. She is not from here either(the state I am now in). That might be part of the reason that we are reaching out to each other. Other nice people are friendly, but do not really need us for anything. That has been my issue these last few months. It is hard to not be needed by anyone. Right now I need to go to sleep. My room smells yucky and I couldn't sleep. Now Hubby is awake and that spells trouble. Oh Well, live to rant another day.
As a kid I watched my parents fight about different things. I don't really have any other parents to compare them to so I can't really say whether they were normal fights couples have or not. I couldn't even say what most of them were about except the ones that were about me. We only ate as a family on holidays. My father came home late so we kids ate without him. I do remember spending time with him in the evening before I went to bed so it couldn't have been that late. My own husband gets home a little later because of his job commute so we eat late every night. But home schooling has given us the ability to be more flexible than my Mom was able to be. We had school early the next day. As I got older, I remember my Father being home less and less and the fights seemed to intensify. I remember one night when I was thirteen. I could hear them yelling through the wall. My mom found me crying and I told her I didn't want them to get a divorce. She told me...
Comments
Post a Comment