I turned 40 this week. I really dreaded this one. I was concerned I would be so very alone on a big birthday and feel really depressed. Weird thing is I was not sad. I was pretty much alone, but it was okay this year. I think not expecting anything worked way better than if I had expected and no one remembered. I was remembered by my family and that's all there is for me. I have a handful of friends, but we don't celebrate each other's birthdays. I am still missing that here. My close friend that I would do things like that with is not here. I do have a new friend and we are working on it slowly. She is not from here either(the state I am now in). That might be part of the reason that we are reaching out to each other. Other nice people are friendly, but do not really need us for anything. That has been my issue these last few months. It is hard to not be needed by anyone. Right now I need to go to sleep. My room smells yucky and I couldn't sleep. Now Hubby is awake and that spells trouble. Oh Well, live to rant another day.
I feel not so much a storm as a little shower of emotional rain. My mind is filled to the brim with thoughts and trying not to go batty trying to sort them through on my own. Then I start feeling isolated as I have no one to talk to. I have therapy next week so I will talk then for sure. It’s not even anything bad; it’s just so full I am thinking out loud. That never bothered me before, but now I am feeling unsteady. I have talked to myself my whole life. I am certainly not going to stop now, but it feels like a gateway to the enemy deceiving me all over again. He can disguise his voice to sound like anyone else. So if my thoughts are out loud, I’m Vulnerable. I miss my friends. I have a few here and there . I miss lighthearted fun. I am just waiting for God to pull the curtain on this season and to start to feel more like myself again. I’m not asking God for anything He doesn’t want me to have, I just need to get through this little shower. I know God still has things for me to d...
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