I wanted to post a little about the past. I originally titled this blog, "About Me Then and Now," but I feared that title just did not address the purpose of this blog. I wanted a place to vent about my life and maybe inspire someone else in the meantime. As with most bipolar adults, I have had a history of crisis that contributed to my symtoms. Having someone you trust mistreat you tends to curve your ability to trust for a lifetime. For me I realized the possitives I had to draw from it, God protected me from any serious harm. My lack of trust kept me from persuing relationships with the opposite sex before I was ready to handle it. I was saved for my husband because I was so guarded around guys that if they got too close, I would push them away or run(:. Then I met a guy who was so afraid of even talking to a girl that he was completely threatless. I was not afraid of being overpowered or mistreated. We became really close friends first and that was a win-win for both of us. All that to say, God used the bad for good. There were other bads in my past of course, some that I have been also able to make peace with. The tricky ones are the raw ones that creep up like fresh mold. I didn't even know they were there and BAM. I am suffering. I am tring my best to trust God one day and a time and not look at whole clumps all at once. That seems to work best for me. What is the plan for today? What do I need to accomplish? Focus on that. The joy part is always tricky in the wintertime. I see people dealing with HUGE trials like loosing a spouse, a parent, a friend. Such big burdens to carry. I don't always have the words. I found that God's words are better than mine. He DOES understand. I choose to believe he sees me! He understands me. He also sees everyone else. If on this day, you're stuggling with that thing that makes no sense, that thing that you cannot change. "The God of all comfort" be with you.
I am starting my own blog to reduce my boredom and give me a place to put my thoughts. Recently some people I know put some very difficult words out for all the world to see. I have been chicken to do the same and now I want to set the record straight. I didn't talk to people from high school for over ten years. It seems so silly now. I found out recently that I'm not the only one who grew up in college and beyond. We aren't kids anymore so the past is just that the past. I'll admit some of it I don't want to remember, but we did have some fun times in high school. The truth is something happened to me that I was not at all ready to talk about so I just avoided people. I got married in 1998 to a really great guy I met in college. We were giddy and in love. We decided after nine months of bliss to have a baby. Why not? I was bored and we wanted one. That sounds terrible to say that, but it is true. Boom one month later I was expecting. Three months later Jo...
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