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Reflection of the Under Depths

I wanted to post a little about the past. I originally titled this blog, "About Me Then and Now," but I feared that title just did not address the purpose of this blog. I wanted a place to vent about my life and maybe inspire someone else in the meantime. As with most bipolar adults, I have had a history of crisis that contributed to my symtoms. Having someone you trust mistreat you tends to curve your ability to trust for a lifetime. For me I realized the possitives I had to draw from it, God protected me from any serious harm. My lack of trust kept me from persuing relationships with the opposite sex before I was ready to handle it. I was saved for my husband because I was so guarded around guys that if they got too close, I would push them away or run(:. Then I met a guy who was so afraid of even talking to a girl that he was completely threatless. I was not afraid of being overpowered or mistreated. We became really close friends first and that was a win-win for both of us. All that to say, God used the bad for good. There were other bads in my past of course, some that I have been also able to make peace with. The tricky ones are the raw ones that creep up like fresh mold. I didn't even know they were there and BAM. I am suffering. I am tring my best to trust God one day and a time and not look at whole clumps all at once. That seems to work best for me. What is the plan for today? What do I need to accomplish? Focus on that. The joy part is always tricky in the wintertime. I see people dealing with HUGE trials like loosing a spouse, a parent, a friend. Such big burdens to carry. I don't always have the words. I found that God's words are better than mine. He DOES understand. I choose to believe he sees me! He understands me. He also sees everyone else. If on this day, you're stuggling with that thing that makes no sense, that thing that you cannot change. "The God of all comfort" be with you.

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