Have you ever sat on the sand and watched the waves go up and down, in and out. They start to go out further as the tide goes out. As the tide comes in they come closer and closer. Then there are the storm waves. Those are far different. They rise and fall like the rest, but they are so much higher and fall so much deeper. That is how I would decribe Bipolar mood swings during a difficult time. Yet while the waves follow a determined pattern, mood swings can swing back around from sad to happy, angry to calm, far more quickly than waves swing from low to high. I tend to only write about the high waves. The small ones are boring and frankly I don't need the comfort of writing during the boring times. To my follows, all three of you, He He. The waves are calm now. We had a storm recently, but it is calming. I think Jesus himself must have been calming things because no person can slow things down that quickly. The sun is shining today. Yes, I see it. We all have bad days mine are just a bit more dramatic than yours. "But thanks be to God who giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."
I feel not so much a storm as a little shower of emotional rain. My mind is filled to the brim with thoughts and trying not to go batty trying to sort them through on my own. Then I start feeling isolated as I have no one to talk to. I have therapy next week so I will talk then for sure. It’s not even anything bad; it’s just so full I am thinking out loud. That never bothered me before, but now I am feeling unsteady. I have talked to myself my whole life. I am certainly not going to stop now, but it feels like a gateway to the enemy deceiving me all over again. He can disguise his voice to sound like anyone else. So if my thoughts are out loud, I’m Vulnerable. I miss my friends. I have a few here and there . I miss lighthearted fun. I am just waiting for God to pull the curtain on this season and to start to feel more like myself again. I’m not asking God for anything He doesn’t want me to have, I just need to get through this little shower. I know God still has things for me to d...
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