Tiny Pebbles and Bubbles of Fat

The things people say that tear me down are like little pepples that peck at me. I get hit with another one and the fat from the old ones rise to the top. It is not that I never got over those things before, but that the pebbles of hurt are difficult to forget. Trying not to be torn up by such small things. I realize I can be too sensitive because I have fat in my heart. At times like this I have to remind myself again that those things can be "worked together for good" by God. I have to recognize that someone else's wrong does not have to become my wrong too. I can choose to forgive. I can ask God to help me forget bettter. Maybe this is a tearing down of spirit. Okay then God, I need that way of escape you promised so that I can go back to studing and pleasing you.

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A Little Shower

I feel not so much a storm as a little shower of emotional rain. My mind is filled to the brim with thoughts and trying not to go batty trying to sort them through on my own. Then I start feeling isolated as I have no one to talk to. I have therapy next week so I will talk then for sure. It’s not even anything bad; it’s just so full I am thinking out loud. That never bothered me before, but now I am feeling unsteady. I have talked to myself my whole life. I am certainly not going to stop now, but it feels like a gateway to the enemy deceiving me all over again. He can disguise his voice to sound like anyone else. So if my thoughts are out loud, I’m Vulnerable. I miss my friends. I have a few here and there . I miss lighthearted fun. I am just waiting for God to pull the curtain on this season and to start to feel more like myself again. I’m not asking God for anything He doesn’t want me to have, I just need to get through this little shower. I know God still has things for me to d...

Time to Get Healthy

Have you ever settled for just fine? Have you ever found yourself in pain every day and been told this is just normal for your age? After just not feeling good for a long time, I realized I was gaining weight again rapidly. I found this webinar about low thyroid and weight loss. I thought what’s the harm? I knew after that first session that I had found a solution. People have been telling me for years how they gave up sugar and felt amazing. I thought I just couldn’t do it. Now years later even before I started to watch I knew I have to give up sugar. Giving up gluten didn’t really help me because so much of the gluten free foods are loaded with sugar. Anyway, if you see me eating a chocolate bar, send help 🤣. I really want to wake up in the morning ready to start a day. Like that feeling on Christmas morning when you just can’t wait to get out of bed. What would it be like to feel like that every day? My pain is less some days than others. Exercise helps. I am thankful my God l...

It’s Complicated

I found myself using this phrase rather trying to explain the conveluted mess that seems to be my family relationships with my parents and siblings. My mother is visiting and I am reminded that nothing is EVER her fault. No she is forever the victim of everything and everyone around her. My father on the other hand would say sarcastically, “Go ahead, Blame me. Everything is my fault.” Yet he somehow escapes responsibility for his bad choices. We are not at war. I am not carrrying around a bitterness bucket. Don’t get me wrong. I get we can’t change the past and we all make mistakes. I struggle with the not ever admitting doing anything wrong part. Put your seven year old girl in a room. Expect her to entertain herself and be quiet all the time. When that fails, she is just an uncontrollable child. Really? Are my parents that obtuse? I wasn’t badly behaved anywhere else, but at home. As a parent, I make mistakes ALL the time. Those are my fault. My responsibility! I think I am so defens...

Bipolar, but still Christian : Just Another Challege

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