Skip to main content

Long Lives the Clickedy Clack Clack

What discusts me today is adults acting like children. This is not necessarily that uncommon a practice. I hated school. Oh so many reasons not the least of them being the way I was treated by my peers. It was one thing to be ignored and isolated as a kid, but far different to deal with it as a grown up. It just irritates me. I don't want to be friends with people who act like that, but I have a hard time just ignoring it. I want to get in their face and fight for the girl I was. The girl who could not fight for herself. So there is the part of me that says, "you are an adult now; they are not worth it." Then the other part wants to get right in their face and tell them to, "Knock it off!" "You are no better than anyone else." Here's the thing though. They probably do not think that at all, nor are they doing this conscientiously. I just get so frustrated with it. For once it would be nice to be chosen. I know it is my lack of normal social skills and all that. That is why I enjoy working with the children in places. They are actually happy to see me. I know how pitiful that sounds but if I do not vent it here bad stuff will follow. I need to say it to take away the power of the words. Oh and I have heard some pretty ridiculous things out of the mouths of people who were never bullied. If it never happened to you then you don't get it. Not now; not ever. That just is. People calling you fat and ugly because they can and you know the only way to get them to stop is to just go along with it. Fighting it makes it fun for them. Now people say something nice and I just feel weird. I still cannot take complements. Now I can at least fake it and smile. That is all I have right now. Need time to recharge before I can be less worked up and more understanding.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Little Shower

 I feel not so much a storm as a little shower of emotional rain. My mind is filled to the brim with thoughts and trying not to go batty trying to sort them through on my own. Then I start feeling isolated as I have no one to talk to. I have therapy next week so I will talk then for sure. It’s not even anything bad; it’s just so full I am thinking out loud. That never bothered me before, but now I am feeling unsteady. I have talked to myself my whole life. I am certainly not going to stop now, but it feels like a gateway to the enemy deceiving me all over again. He can disguise his voice to sound like anyone else. So if my thoughts are out loud, I’m Vulnerable. I miss my friends. I have a few here and there . I miss lighthearted fun. I am just waiting for God to pull the curtain on this season and to start to feel more like myself again. I’m not asking God for anything He doesn’t want me to have, I just need to get through this little shower. I know God still has things for me to d...
Post a Comment
Read more

Time to Get Healthy

 Have you ever settled for just fine? Have you ever found yourself in pain every day and been told this is just normal for your age? After just not feeling good for a long time, I realized I was gaining weight again rapidly. I found this webinar about low thyroid and weight loss. I thought what’s the harm? I knew after that first session that I had found a solution. People have been telling me for years how they gave up sugar and felt amazing. I thought I just couldn’t do it. Now years later even before I started to watch I knew I have to give up sugar. Giving up gluten didn’t really help me because so much of the gluten free foods are loaded with sugar. Anyway, if you see me eating a chocolate bar, send help 🤣. I really want to wake up in the morning ready to start a day. Like that feeling on Christmas morning when you just can’t wait to get out of bed. What would it be like to feel like that every day? My pain is less some days than others. Exercise helps. I am thankful my God l...
Post a Comment
Read more

It’s Complicated

I found myself using this phrase rather trying to explain the conveluted mess that seems to be my family relationships with my parents and siblings. My mother is visiting and I am reminded that nothing is EVER her fault. No she is forever the victim of everything and everyone around her. My father on the other hand would say sarcastically, “Go ahead, Blame me. Everything is my fault.” Yet he somehow escapes responsibility for his bad choices. We are not at war. I am not carrrying around a bitterness bucket. Don’t get me wrong. I get we can’t change the past and we all make mistakes. I struggle with the not ever admitting doing anything wrong part. Put your seven year old girl in a room. Expect her to entertain herself and be quiet all the time. When that fails, she is just an uncontrollable child. Really? Are my parents that obtuse? I wasn’t badly behaved anywhere else, but at home. As a parent, I make mistakes ALL the time. Those are my fault. My responsibility! I think I am so defens...
1 comment
Read more