I find the last couple months of winter the most difficult each year. I struggle with depression mostly during this time. I feel Iike I am just in quicksand sinking deeper and deeper away from everything around me. Everyone and everything is starting to irritate me as I continue to feel bad with no end in site. Tired of feeling like I don't belong anywhere. Too worn out to care anymore. I think I am really angery about not being understood. Being underestimated and passed over. So yes, I ask the question...Why God am I here? What is it you want me here for? Have to sign off.
I feel not so much a storm as a little shower of emotional rain. My mind is filled to the brim with thoughts and trying not to go batty trying to sort them through on my own. Then I start feeling isolated as I have no one to talk to. I have therapy next week so I will talk then for sure. It’s not even anything bad; it’s just so full I am thinking out loud. That never bothered me before, but now I am feeling unsteady. I have talked to myself my whole life. I am certainly not going to stop now, but it feels like a gateway to the enemy deceiving me all over again. He can disguise his voice to sound like anyone else. So if my thoughts are out loud, I’m Vulnerable. I miss my friends. I have a few here and there . I miss lighthearted fun. I am just waiting for God to pull the curtain on this season and to start to feel more like myself again. I’m not asking God for anything He doesn’t want me to have, I just need to get through this little shower. I know God still has things for me to d...
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