You ever try to walk through muddy grass. You try to walk around the water and find your feet sinking down in. I have been trying to get out of the "mud" of life, but keep sinking down into it. Feeling frustrated today I tried my best to cheer up only to be plugged back by my selfish teenager. Trying my best to be understanding while I listen to all the reasons why ignoring all responsibilities is okay because, "I have plenty of time." I had been annoyed earlier today with the people around me who continue to be oblivious to their excluding behavior. I can't continue to pretend it doesn't matter. The statement was made you go expecting someone to bless you. Sorry, but, No that isn't what I expect or even need. I just want to be included. If that can't happen here then, I can't continue to justify being here. Praying God will give me a different alternative because that just isn't working.
I feel not so much a storm as a little shower of emotional rain. My mind is filled to the brim with thoughts and trying not to go batty trying to sort them through on my own. Then I start feeling isolated as I have no one to talk to. I have therapy next week so I will talk then for sure. It’s not even anything bad; it’s just so full I am thinking out loud. That never bothered me before, but now I am feeling unsteady. I have talked to myself my whole life. I am certainly not going to stop now, but it feels like a gateway to the enemy deceiving me all over again. He can disguise his voice to sound like anyone else. So if my thoughts are out loud, I’m Vulnerable. I miss my friends. I have a few here and there . I miss lighthearted fun. I am just waiting for God to pull the curtain on this season and to start to feel more like myself again. I’m not asking God for anything He doesn’t want me to have, I just need to get through this little shower. I know God still has things for me to d...
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