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Because Memories fade

It's true I've illuteed to having some difficult memories yet given few examples. That is for a couple of reasons. One is that I find drugging up the details brings bad unnecessary pain. Two is that I don't actually remember that much. I repressed some stuff along the way and can't quite filter what is real and what is imaginary. I just know how it feels. I know I spent a lot of time alone as a child and had to live on my imagination. So the little kid in me might have exaggerated the circumstances of my childhood. What I do clearly remember that was unpleasant was bullying, teasing, neglect, and harassment. Again not choosing to go into details right now. Those were my experiences. I found adulthood to be far better than childhood. My family never intentionally set out to hurt me. My parents were just not people who knew how to handle kids or marriage for that matter. My brothers and I suffered the consequences so to speak. We had stuff. Lots of stuff. Which is why I would rather live in a falling apart home than in a nice house any day. Stuff can't tell you everything is going to be okay. Stuff can't love you when you're feeling unlovable. God makes no mistakes so I have to believe He knew exactly what he was doing. That's in the past. I often would find myself all alone and think the rapture happened and I was left behind. Why did I struggle in spite of having prayed to receive Christ? Because my mother was often disappointed in me. I felt I didn't deserve to be loved. Truly none of us do, and the true grasp of God'd love is hard to understand if you have not felt it from those closest to you. My father is a different story. I adored him, but he is far from perfect. He insulted my mother and unable to live up to her unrealistic expectations choose to be unfaithful. He eventually left her and me. My brothers were in college by then. He just wasn't around. And when he was he didn't do anything. That's pretty much it. He loved me absolutely no matter what, but his absence left me to deal with my unstable mother alone. I guess that is detail enough for now. "God will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee."

Comments

  1. LibertySeptember 26, 2017 at 7:50 PM

    Well this is no fun. Your blog comments are rigged so that I can't post with a pen name... Gghhhgg

    ReplyDelete
  2. LibertySeptember 28, 2017 at 6:27 AM

    "Look around and be distressed;
    Look within and be depressed;
    Look at Jesus and be at REST."
    Corrie ten Boom

    ReplyDelete

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