Today I was fighting mood swings so I must be out of balance or something. Most females can identify with the cry for no reason issue. This last week was draining. Hopefully the next one will be better. It wasn't a bad week just physically and mentally exhausting. The bipolar part is that if I am really tired then I start to get a bit confused and forgetful. Still haven't figured out if that is medication or just sleepiness. Anyway, we'll call it brain fog. I actually feel a physical heaviness which could be sinuses. If you can take medicine for a headache, why can't you use medicine for emotional imbalances? Essential oils have been helpful because they work in a much milder form without all the side effects. I am reading my Bible right now, but to be perfectly candid, feel like a ball of led inside. I am choosing to ignore those feelings. I have found that often I can't change them, but I don't have to listen to them. My friend asked me, "Is God not all powerful." Of course He is, but I do not believe He always chooses to remove stuff from our lives. He simply walks us through it. Sometimes, I have a good attitude about that and sometimes I don't. I ask Him why I am still here. I ask Him what on earth He wants me to do. Yes, I do. And I thank Him for loving me anyway. And for seeing things even I can't understand. So much of life is beyond my understanding. That's okay. I don't expect my sceptic friends to ever get it. Everyone struggles with something.
I am starting my own blog to reduce my boredom and give me a place to put my thoughts. Recently some people I know put some very difficult words out for all the world to see. I have been chicken to do the same and now I want to set the record straight. I didn't talk to people from high school for over ten years. It seems so silly now. I found out recently that I'm not the only one who grew up in college and beyond. We aren't kids anymore so the past is just that the past. I'll admit some of it I don't want to remember, but we did have some fun times in high school. The truth is something happened to me that I was not at all ready to talk about so I just avoided people. I got married in 1998 to a really great guy I met in college. We were giddy and in love. We decided after nine months of bliss to have a baby. Why not? I was bored and we wanted one. That sounds terrible to say that, but it is true. Boom one month later I was expecting. Three months later Jo
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