Today I was fighting mood swings so I must be out of balance or something. Most females can identify with the cry for no reason issue. This last week was draining. Hopefully the next one will be better. It wasn't a bad week just physically and mentally exhausting. The bipolar part is that if I am really tired then I start to get a bit confused and forgetful. Still haven't figured out if that is medication or just sleepiness. Anyway, we'll call it brain fog. I actually feel a physical heaviness which could be sinuses. If you can take medicine for a headache, why can't you use medicine for emotional imbalances? Essential oils have been helpful because they work in a much milder form without all the side effects. I am reading my Bible right now, but to be perfectly candid, feel like a ball of led inside. I am choosing to ignore those feelings. I have found that often I can't change them, but I don't have to listen to them. My friend asked me, "Is God not all powerful." Of course He is, but I do not believe He always chooses to remove stuff from our lives. He simply walks us through it. Sometimes, I have a good attitude about that and sometimes I don't. I ask Him why I am still here. I ask Him what on earth He wants me to do. Yes, I do. And I thank Him for loving me anyway. And for seeing things even I can't understand. So much of life is beyond my understanding. That's okay. I don't expect my sceptic friends to ever get it. Everyone struggles with something.
I feel not so much a storm as a little shower of emotional rain. My mind is filled to the brim with thoughts and trying not to go batty trying to sort them through on my own. Then I start feeling isolated as I have no one to talk to. I have therapy next week so I will talk then for sure. It’s not even anything bad; it’s just so full I am thinking out loud. That never bothered me before, but now I am feeling unsteady. I have talked to myself my whole life. I am certainly not going to stop now, but it feels like a gateway to the enemy deceiving me all over again. He can disguise his voice to sound like anyone else. So if my thoughts are out loud, I’m Vulnerable. I miss my friends. I have a few here and there . I miss lighthearted fun. I am just waiting for God to pull the curtain on this season and to start to feel more like myself again. I’m not asking God for anything He doesn’t want me to have, I just need to get through this little shower. I know God still has things for me to d...
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