Skip to main content

It’s Complicated

I found myself using this phrase rather trying to explain the conveluted mess that seems to be my family relationships with my parents and siblings. My mother is visiting and I am reminded that nothing is EVER her fault. No she is forever the victim of everything and everyone around her. My father on the other hand would say sarcastically, “Go ahead, Blame me. Everything is my fault.” Yet he somehow escapes responsibility for his bad choices. We are not at war. I am not carrrying around a bitterness bucket. Don’t get me wrong. I get we can’t change the past and we all make mistakes. I struggle with the not ever admitting doing anything wrong part. Put your seven year old girl in a room. Expect her to entertain herself and be quiet all the time. When that fails, she is just an uncontrollable child. Really? Are my parents that obtuse? I wasn’t badly behaved anywhere else, but at home. As a parent, I make mistakes ALL the time. Those are my fault. My responsibility! I think I am so defensive because I was used to be blamed for everything. Frustrating when you are a people pleasing somewhat happy person. I think it killed my spirit. My father is a deal for another day. That’s all the venting I can take right now. I love my mother and we are trying to get along. It’s complicated.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Ansomnia

Up in the wee hours of the morning, is yet another perk of being bipolar. Yes, that's sarcasm because unlike some, I don't like being like this. I started getting a little more hyper than usual and now I can't sleep. I slept for an hour or two when hubby woke me up and I couldn't get back to sleep after. So I wasn't worried about anything, but I was wide awake. Even though I now feel tired, I still don't feel sleepy. It is hard to explain. Well I already took some calm down medicine and that didn't work so I am getting ready to take more. I use it only when I have to, but considering I need to function in a few hours I WILL consider this one of those times. I was excited about started school and I guess maybe I am going through an up cycle. That sort of makes sense since I had a down cycle in the beginning of the summer. I am glad that the cycles are much shorter than they used to be. I remember being tired and having little energy or ambition to do anyt...
2 comments
Read more

I Threw Out the Moon

  My son made a paper mâché replica of the moon when he was younger. Being the consistent pack rat that I am it was still here in our living room. I am trying to clean everything up and believe or not, throw out the stuff we don’t need. Do you find it hard to throw away stuff you don’t need, remove things you shouldn’t have, or give up things you need to? It is different for everyone, but we can probably all relate to that in some small way. If you’re wondering how I got here you’d have to go way back. Growing up I didn’t have a lot of friends. It was my toys and me. My imagination gave them personalities. Could it be that I don’t need that stuff anymore? Could it be that I have real live people who are right here and worth much more! It won’t be easy, but I am willing to do the work. I will trash the unwanted books if I have to. I don’t expect people to understand, but maybe hold back the judgment. Cause like I said before, everyone struggles with something. Maybe it’s giving...
Post a Comment
Read more

An Issue of Blood Matthew 9:20

I have often felt like I know this woman having struggled off and on with my own issues. Very possible she had endometriosis which I do not. I am certainly thankful as that is such a difficult thing. Why do I love this story then? She was unseen. She had an issue no one could see. She couldn't talk about or get any relief. As my good old issue came back again and knocked me of my physical strength, I am reminded of this lady. I am not referring to my emotional struggles. This was good old fashioned physical nuisance. My devotional was about taking care of my body. All I can gleen from that is sleep and drink a bunch. This will pass. Not signifigant enough to say. Forgive me if I too feel the need to sneak up and touch Jesus garment anyway. Because I need to be refreshed. Do you ever just need someone to hit reset for you? Do you ever need to take a day to do nothing? I will be doing that tomorrow and just hope by the next day I have happy insides(:.
Post a Comment
Read more