Home Away From Home

Few of my friends understand life as a away from home person. I went away to college and fell for a boy from another state. I knew that most likely meant moving away forever. Strangely to most I was fine with that. I knew it was right. That didn’t make it easy. I moved to a place where I had no friends or family. I cried for months homesick and lonely. I finally started to connect and make friends and we had my in laws for family support. Then we moved again to a place with even less family. Although we did eventually connect and make friends, no family is sometimes hard. We don’t have the support here that most of our friends take for granted. You make the best of it and do what you can. It is hard to explain why I wanted this life. My parents have been divorced for more than 25 years now. When I lived home, I was expected to mediate their ridiculous disputes. My brothers who never talk to each other also some how our me in the middle of things. I felt it was my job to constantly fix everything and ended up fixing nothing. My mother grant it was the biggest problem. Expecting me to take sides so to speak. I just got burnt out on it all. If I was there, I still wouldn’t have family support. At least not in the traditional sense. If I was sick or something serious, they would come through. We just became this disjointed bunch. I know I am not the only one to understand this type family. Sometimes you have to put up some distance to protect yourself from further harm. Here  in this place, my walls might have to go back up a bit. As some people are too concerned about the wrong things. I fear I dessened to never be heard or understood. At least not by people over the age of six.