Skip to main content

Girls Will Be Girls.

My hosting skills are limited that is an unrefruited fact. But my door is always open to a person in need and I would welcome anyone anytime. I am self conscious about my caotic housekeeping skills, but I do the best I can. I can’t beat myself up about my weaknesses. It is part of the bipolar that would not translate to someone who doesn’t understand. I just get overwhelmed and shut down. So I do a little bit and try to do a little bit more. Totally not what this post is supposed to be about. I had a gathering planned and no one came. I know it is the time of the year when we women are slow to commit our without kids time. Here’s the thing. I was cheered up by a sweet little girl. She came into our house and loved me in five minutes. Ladies I don’t need you. I have my couple of friends and am truly loved by children and elderly. God is good. I don’t need to be anything else. “I am enough.” As Clonda Pierce said. Isn’t that wonderful. I know people who don’t have patience for little people my own mother included. I can’t get enough of them. I don’t have to be open for target practice. I can live my life the way it is. Letting go of trying to be something I am not. Growing up I only ever had one girl friend. By high school, I was friends with only boys. Most were relatives it wasn’t that weird.
My mother and I didn’t get along at all by this time. My father had left us. Getting out with the boys was fun and drama less. I could have dated one, but I didn’t want to. My heart was so damaged from the one that abused me that I just couldn’t deal with that. Just friends mostly like brothers. Long before I ever got married. I thought I would want to have boys not girls. I never asked God for just boys; I think He just knew the desire of my heart and granted it. I feared if I had a daughter, I would make the same mistakes my mother did. I can’t say I haven’t made a ton load with the boys, but God is good. He made me. He made them. This IS HIS will. He will enable me. He does. Sorry I am entering a bit of a manic phase. My thoughts are all over the place right now. Blessings

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Little Shower

 I feel not so much a storm as a little shower of emotional rain. My mind is filled to the brim with thoughts and trying not to go batty trying to sort them through on my own. Then I start feeling isolated as I have no one to talk to. I have therapy next week so I will talk then for sure. It’s not even anything bad; it’s just so full I am thinking out loud. That never bothered me before, but now I am feeling unsteady. I have talked to myself my whole life. I am certainly not going to stop now, but it feels like a gateway to the enemy deceiving me all over again. He can disguise his voice to sound like anyone else. So if my thoughts are out loud, I’m Vulnerable. I miss my friends. I have a few here and there . I miss lighthearted fun. I am just waiting for God to pull the curtain on this season and to start to feel more like myself again. I’m not asking God for anything He doesn’t want me to have, I just need to get through this little shower. I know God still has things for me to d...
Post a Comment
Read more

Time to Get Healthy

 Have you ever settled for just fine? Have you ever found yourself in pain every day and been told this is just normal for your age? After just not feeling good for a long time, I realized I was gaining weight again rapidly. I found this webinar about low thyroid and weight loss. I thought what’s the harm? I knew after that first session that I had found a solution. People have been telling me for years how they gave up sugar and felt amazing. I thought I just couldn’t do it. Now years later even before I started to watch I knew I have to give up sugar. Giving up gluten didn’t really help me because so much of the gluten free foods are loaded with sugar. Anyway, if you see me eating a chocolate bar, send help 🤣. I really want to wake up in the morning ready to start a day. Like that feeling on Christmas morning when you just can’t wait to get out of bed. What would it be like to feel like that every day? My pain is less some days than others. Exercise helps. I am thankful my God l...
Post a Comment
Read more

It’s Complicated

I found myself using this phrase rather trying to explain the conveluted mess that seems to be my family relationships with my parents and siblings. My mother is visiting and I am reminded that nothing is EVER her fault. No she is forever the victim of everything and everyone around her. My father on the other hand would say sarcastically, “Go ahead, Blame me. Everything is my fault.” Yet he somehow escapes responsibility for his bad choices. We are not at war. I am not carrrying around a bitterness bucket. Don’t get me wrong. I get we can’t change the past and we all make mistakes. I struggle with the not ever admitting doing anything wrong part. Put your seven year old girl in a room. Expect her to entertain herself and be quiet all the time. When that fails, she is just an uncontrollable child. Really? Are my parents that obtuse? I wasn’t badly behaved anywhere else, but at home. As a parent, I make mistakes ALL the time. Those are my fault. My responsibility! I think I am so defens...
1 comment
Read more