I looked up mother in the Bible and not surprisingly there aren’t that many references. Although there are instructions for a wife there aren’t really spelled out ones for a mother. Motherhood is hard and requires sacrificing things so your children will be greater. Greater than you perhaps. More loved, more cherished, more invested in. Yet that gives no guarantees how the children turn out. I just want them to be okay. Not wounded, not sick, not deeply buried in hurts. Yet we find we can’t protect them from the very things we wish to spare them from.
I love my children, but I know I have made so many mistakes. I just keep clinging to the knowledge that it was God that made me their mother. He saw them before they were conceived. He knew. That must mean there’s still purpose to be had. Everything CAN be okay eventually. My mother and I have come to terms so to speak. That she did what she could and the rest just IS. I have to believe that God also saw me before I was conceived and IF that wasn’t right, IF that just couldn’t be good, I would not have needed to be born. Not that God stops the birth of evil people. We are all born sinners. But I was redeemed. Set free from that and given the chance to be good. Isn’t that the best gift of all we can hope for our children to be set free. And to believe that with all their heart. That everything is forgiven forever.
I feel not so much a storm as a little shower of emotional rain. My mind is filled to the brim with thoughts and trying not to go batty trying to sort them through on my own. Then I start feeling isolated as I have no one to talk to. I have therapy next week so I will talk then for sure. It’s not even anything bad; it’s just so full I am thinking out loud. That never bothered me before, but now I am feeling unsteady. I have talked to myself my whole life. I am certainly not going to stop now, but it feels like a gateway to the enemy deceiving me all over again. He can disguise his voice to sound like anyone else. So if my thoughts are out loud, I’m Vulnerable. I miss my friends. I have a few here and there . I miss lighthearted fun. I am just waiting for God to pull the curtain on this season and to start to feel more like myself again. I’m not asking God for anything He doesn’t want me to have, I just need to get through this little shower. I know God still has things for me to d...
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