I looked up mother in the Bible and not surprisingly there aren’t that many references. Although there are instructions for a wife there aren’t really spelled out ones for a mother. Motherhood is hard and requires sacrificing things so your children will be greater. Greater than you perhaps. More loved, more cherished, more invested in. Yet that gives no guarantees how the children turn out. I just want them to be okay. Not wounded, not sick, not deeply buried in hurts. Yet we find we can’t protect them from the very things we wish to spare them from.
I love my children, but I know I have made so many mistakes. I just keep clinging to the knowledge that it was God that made me their mother. He saw them before they were conceived. He knew. That must mean there’s still purpose to be had. Everything CAN be okay eventually. My mother and I have come to terms so to speak. That she did what she could and the rest just IS. I have to believe that God also saw me before I was conceived and IF that wasn’t right, IF that just couldn’t be good, I would not have needed to be born. Not that God stops the birth of evil people. We are all born sinners. But I was redeemed. Set free from that and given the chance to be good. Isn’t that the best gift of all we can hope for our children to be set free. And to believe that with all their heart. That everything is forgiven forever.
I am starting my own blog to reduce my boredom and give me a place to put my thoughts. Recently some people I know put some very difficult words out for all the world to see. I have been chicken to do the same and now I want to set the record straight. I didn't talk to people from high school for over ten years. It seems so silly now. I found out recently that I'm not the only one who grew up in college and beyond. We aren't kids anymore so the past is just that the past. I'll admit some of it I don't want to remember, but we did have some fun times in high school. The truth is something happened to me that I was not at all ready to talk about so I just avoided people. I got married in 1998 to a really great guy I met in college. We were giddy and in love. We decided after nine months of bliss to have a baby. Why not? I was bored and we wanted one. That sounds terrible to say that, but it is true. Boom one month later I was expecting. Three months later Jo
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