I can’t sleep because I am once again having allergy slash acid reflux attack. I tried drained my sinuses and it just lead to a choking on my own spit incident. The reason I don’t try to do it first thing in the morning. But enough about my icky physical problems. My oldest is at college. We miss him. I held it all in for a few days and found myself crying at the most random times. I want him to grow up and live his own life. I just realized that I have poured everything into my little family and pretty soon they’ll be gone. I like my mother will end up alone. I fear my husband’s health won’t hold up as long as I would like. Why does God ask me to struggle inwardly while others struggle outwardly? That is to say my friend suffers from stage four Cancer. It doesn’t look like a cure is coming, but she’s still here. I don’t wish I had some disease, but it would be nice if we could just be like Elijah and say we’re done. I know I haven’t done anything great. Probably going to be a small medal for me. Trying to claw through the distractions and discouragements to faith. I think my smart husband would agree. Process of illumination, I would rather have Jesus. I may have doubts, fears, and frustrations, but that doesn’t take away the desire for pleasing God. Okay going to try to sleep now.
I am starting my own blog to reduce my boredom and give me a place to put my thoughts. Recently some people I know put some very difficult words out for all the world to see. I have been chicken to do the same and now I want to set the record straight. I didn't talk to people from high school for over ten years. It seems so silly now. I found out recently that I'm not the only one who grew up in college and beyond. We aren't kids anymore so the past is just that the past. I'll admit some of it I don't want to remember, but we did have some fun times in high school. The truth is something happened to me that I was not at all ready to talk about so I just avoided people. I got married in 1998 to a really great guy I met in college. We were giddy and in love. We decided after nine months of bliss to have a baby. Why not? I was bored and we wanted one. That sounds terrible to say that, but it is true. Boom one month later I was expecting. Three months later Jo
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