I can’t sleep because I am once again having allergy slash acid reflux attack. I tried drained my sinuses and it just lead to a choking on my own spit incident. The reason I don’t try to do it first thing in the morning. But enough about my icky physical problems. My oldest is at college. We miss him. I held it all in for a few days and found myself crying at the most random times. I want him to grow up and live his own life. I just realized that I have poured everything into my little family and pretty soon they’ll be gone. I like my mother will end up alone. I fear my husband’s health won’t hold up as long as I would like. Why does God ask me to struggle inwardly while others struggle outwardly? That is to say my friend suffers from stage four Cancer. It doesn’t look like a cure is coming, but she’s still here. I don’t wish I had some disease, but it would be nice if we could just be like Elijah and say we’re done. I know I haven’t done anything great. Probably going to be a small medal for me. Trying to claw through the distractions and discouragements to faith. I think my smart husband would agree. Process of illumination, I would rather have Jesus. I may have doubts, fears, and frustrations, but that doesn’t take away the desire for pleasing God. Okay going to try to sleep now.
As a kid I watched my parents fight about different things. I don't really have any other parents to compare them to so I can't really say whether they were normal fights couples have or not. I couldn't even say what most of them were about except the ones that were about me. We only ate as a family on holidays. My father came home late so we kids ate without him. I do remember spending time with him in the evening before I went to bed so it couldn't have been that late. My own husband gets home a little later because of his job commute so we eat late every night. But home schooling has given us the ability to be more flexible than my Mom was able to be. We had school early the next day. As I got older, I remember my Father being home less and less and the fights seemed to intensify. I remember one night when I was thirteen. I could hear them yelling through the wall. My mom found me crying and I told her I didn't want them to get a divorce. She told me...
Comments
Post a Comment