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Same O, Same O.

I can’t sleep because I am once again having allergy slash acid reflux attack. I tried drained my sinuses and it just lead to a choking on my own spit incident. The reason I don’t try to do it first thing in the morning. But enough about my icky physical problems. My oldest is at college. We miss him. I held it all in for a few days and found myself crying at the most random times. I want him to grow up and live his own life. I just realized that I have poured everything into my little family and pretty soon they’ll be gone. I like my mother will end up alone. I fear my husband’s health won’t hold up as long as I would like. Why does God ask me to struggle inwardly while others struggle outwardly? That is to say my friend suffers from stage four Cancer. It doesn’t look like a cure is coming, but she’s still here. I don’t wish I had some disease, but it would be nice if we could just be like Elijah and say we’re done. I know I haven’t done anything great. Probably going to be a small medal for me. Trying to claw through the distractions and discouragements to faith. I think my smart husband would agree. Process of illumination, I would rather have Jesus. I may have doubts, fears, and frustrations, but that doesn’t take away the desire for pleasing God. Okay going to try to sleep now.

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