Truly depression is like being trapped under something heavy. While I am doing everything I can to stay in the light, it still is a constant struggle. Trying some new things in hopes that they will be good for me. Maybe recovering from my mild concussion had something to do with it. It certainly offered up a mighty slam to the ground in more ways than one. I have been exercising and watching what I eat consistently. Still losing weight and starting to need new clothes. Right now I haven’t lost enough to be down a whole size. About half a size and most of my pants are loose. The ones that were tight just fit better. That should be good news, but it will be awhile before I look any different. I don’t care about being skinny. I just want to be healthy and the exercise helps with that. It is also a lot easier to find clothes to wear the smaller you are. I still want to get the house better, but I cannot do it without help so waiting on my guys to care enough to please get the box that’s been in the living room for six months and take it to be donated. You want to know how to live in absolute chaos? Get a scatter brained messy lady to marry a procrastinator. That’s my life. And yes, I should be okay. But I want it to be cleaned up. I want my brain to be less frustrating. I had been running wild for a bit so I guess it’s crash and sad time. But I don’t want to be sad. I don’t want a giant weight on top of me when I woke up to verses in my head for the first time in a long time. God heard me. He is listening. So if you are to, pray for me my friends. Get off you backside and please move the box, husband(:.
I feel not so much a storm as a little shower of emotional rain. My mind is filled to the brim with thoughts and trying not to go batty trying to sort them through on my own. Then I start feeling isolated as I have no one to talk to. I have therapy next week so I will talk then for sure. It’s not even anything bad; it’s just so full I am thinking out loud. That never bothered me before, but now I am feeling unsteady. I have talked to myself my whole life. I am certainly not going to stop now, but it feels like a gateway to the enemy deceiving me all over again. He can disguise his voice to sound like anyone else. So if my thoughts are out loud, I’m Vulnerable. I miss my friends. I have a few here and there . I miss lighthearted fun. I am just waiting for God to pull the curtain on this season and to start to feel more like myself again. I’m not asking God for anything He doesn’t want me to have, I just need to get through this little shower. I know God still has things for me to d...
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